The energy crisis seems to be on everyone’s mind these days. Hardly a day goes by without some mention of the destruction of the ozone layer, or the strife that global oil dependency has bred in the Middle East, or that whole fracking thing, for pete’s sake! It’s complicated issues like these that make me … Continue reading
PHILADELPHIA, PA – After a dismal football season, falling attendance rates, and general student apathy, Penn Athletics has decided to implement its ultimate contingency plan. Franklin Field is to become a modern-day Roman Colosseum. Franklin Field is to be rebranded “Franklin Colosseum” and will now host some of the most dangerous (therefore entertaining) games in … Continue reading
Everyone at Penn knows that The Wok is the place to see and be seen, so we’ve compiled some of the hottest trends fresh off The Wok.
If you have been paying any attention to the news lately, you know that it just can’t get enough of the University of Pennsylvania. A few months ago, Penn was ranked the top party school in the country, the school with the most billionaire undergraduate alumni, and the most polite school, among many other accolades. … Continue reading
Today’s guest column comes from our freshman midterm correspondent, Claudia Hogan, who wishes her beat was something other than exams. Although midterms seem more like an ongoing state of being rather than one discrete week, we as a campus are out of the thick of it (for now). In case you’re already trying to forget … Continue reading
Punch Bowl‘s investigative journalism expert, Tiffany Pham, was able to get an exclusive on this controversial English course being offered next semester: The University of Pennsylvania’s English Department has just released a statement announcing that it will pull the 15-person experimental writing seminar, Wasting Time On the Internet, from the course registrar. After TIME, New … Continue reading
Guest columnist Sam Anthony reports on the latest news from the Vatican and the newest people they have condemned to eternal damnation. Yesterday behind closed doors the College of Cardinals met to discuss the possible existence of an eighth deadly sin, and a corresponding tenth circle of hell for its un-confessed perpetrators. Dean of the … Continue reading
In an effort to make a little extra cash on the side, 23 year-old Matthew Clark picked up a part-time job working at the Genius Bar of his local Apple Store. This “Genius” has been an Apple user since age twelve, when he got his first iPod. Clark, who is 5’8’ with brown hair, brown … Continue reading
So despite our best efforts, winter is indeed coming. Yeah, whatever, we get to have the holiday season and stuff but it will also be really cold and really dark for like four months (minimum) so there’s really nothing to actually be happy about. I guess the only things to do are to lace up … Continue reading
With reports that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has allegedly (and finally) been seen in public, many people are wondering where he has been for the past month. Punch Bowl investigative journalists have obtained authentic, real, and totally legit photographic evidence showing how the supreme leader has been spending his time. In the past month, he: Received … Continue reading
Greetings my avid readers AKA mom! So I have a problem. My extensive work in the psych department last semester (shouts out to PSYC160!) has quite near ruined my experience with hip-hop music. The more I listen to rap music, the more I recognize not-so-borderline psychotic behaviors described in class. Oh, you don’t know what … Continue reading
PHILADELPHIA, PA — Now that SAC has partially lifted its moratorium on student groups, an unnecessarily large number of student groups has attempted applying for funding and recognition. Through some sleuthing, the Punch Bowl has received a partial list of groups applying for recognition: Assorted Glee Club Rejects Assorted Mask & Wig Rejects Assorted [Insert … Continue reading
Today’s guest column comes to us from our resident world health expert, Luke Hoban. Scientists confirmed Tuesday afternoon that a scary-sounding disease previously isolated on a continent that we don’t really pay attention to is now only 1,000 miles away from those of us in the Northeast. The outbreak, which has impacted thousands elsewhere in … Continue reading
Nowadays, it seems like everyone has a mixtape. Thus, here are some of the mixtapes I would personally like to see in the coming year.
Locations: San Francisco, CA Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Washington, D.C. + local and international positions available Position: Unpaid internship for the summer. Sometimes we pay. If we like you, we’ll pay you. If we like your skills, we’ll hire you, probably. Our full-timers tend to be more attractive than actually skilled, so I … Continue reading