The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

Dear Diary,

So yesterday I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You with Ariana, right? And then Chastity and Bianca are talking and Chastity says, “I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?” and Bianca says, “I think you can in Europe.” Well, I wanted to know if you could be whelmed in Europe, so I Google’d it and whelm is legit a word! Like, it means to cover something up! But it’s not just in Europe.
I wish life was like a movie. But not, like, a scary movie. I would want life to be a romantic comedy, like Never Been Kissed or Can’t Hardly Wait or something. OMG I wish I could run into a stripper angel like in Can’t Hardly Wait and she could tell me, “Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it’s up to you to make it happen.” So profound! I know exactly what she’s talking about. Fate is like that time I was waiting in line at Wawa and that cute guy I always see was also in line! Fate took me that far, but it was up to me to start a conversation with him. And if it hadn’t been for Fate, I wouldn’t have talked to him and figured out that he’s a weirdo, and now I don’t have to pine after him like Cameron pines over Bianca in 10 Things I Hate About You.
But life’s been more like Clueless lately, especially with guys. My life is so much more Cher-Christian than Kat-Patrick. I mean, it’s like Cher says, “He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?” I mean, come on Diary, as if! Throw some Jake Ryan my way. No more Farmer Teds. It’s just like what Sam’s dad says in Sixteen Candles, “That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.” OMG he is so right!
For realsies though, you can learn a lot from movies, even ones people think are silly. Like, OK, I have this theory that came to me in sixth grade, that if we just make everyone in the world, and I mean everyone, like all the warring people in the Sudan or Africa or whatever, and all the other people in the world, even like the people in giant comfy homes in Beverly Hills (OMG Troop 90210 anyone?), watch The Princess Bride, then there would be world peace. But you know, we’d have to start with the people in wars. And then that’d just solve, like, a ton of problems, because it would show people that true love conquers all:
Wesley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Wesley: There will never be a need.
Plus, her name is Buttercup, which is so awesome.
But legit, it’d be so cool if life was like a movie. OMG especially if a road trip was involved! OMG ROAD TRIIIP!! So much fun. It’d be like The Sure Thing. I’d totally be cool with meeting someone on a crazy road trip to California like in The Sure Thing. But you know Diary, it’d be cooler to meet someone here, like at school or Starbucks or something, and not have to wait for a road trip. Who knows when I’ll go on a road trip? I want to meet a guy like in A Cinderella Story, a mysterious romance at school. OMG please can Austin Ames dance with me in a gazebo at like a mixer or something? Where can I find a gazebo around here? I’d much rather have Austin Ames than that guy last weekend who tried to hook up with me. He had nothing on Austin Ames. He didn’t even know what 10 Things I Hate About You was! As if! And if life was like A Cinderella Story, we would drive away in a convertible at the end of the movie. Like, all quality movies end with the main characters in love, driving a convertible. Grease, A Cinderella Story, you name it. Maybe the key to finding true love is buying a convertible. I’ll have to put that on my birthday wish list.

That’s all for now, good night Diary!