Understanding Senioritis—the Basics

What is Senioritis?

Reallyoccus Frigginous Lazius (Senioritis) is a virus that causes infections in different parts of the body, most notably the brain. It’s tough to treat, since it is resistant to many commonly used stimulants such as Failing, Angry Phone Calls From Your Parents, Adderall, and Feb Club.

Though most Senioritis infections aren’t serious, some can be life-threatening: studies conducted in retail stores and mid-tier consulting firms are still revealing the long-term effects of Senioritis. Many public heath experts are alarmed by the tough strains of the infection.

Who gets Senioritis?

Senioritis is most commonly exhibited in college seniors and others whose attendance of one academic institution has crushed more than 75% of their soul. Rarely, Senioritis may be observed in freshmen or juniors who have contracted the virus from Smokes or other teeming pools of apathy.

What are the symptoms of Senioritis?

Symptoms of Senioritis are easily recognizable. Upwards of 50% of college seniors show signs of Senioritis without even knowing it.

Common symptoms include:

  • Eating Hemo’s more than four times in a week
  • Extreme lethargy, listlessness, and general delirium
  • Bedsores
  • Patients exhibit remarkable hostility toward getting their shit together, picking up their goddamn clothes, or showering once in a while for Christ’s sake.
  • Unnatural ability to distinguish Le Ahn’s from The Real Le Ahn’s.
  • In most cases, people with Senioritis begin to resemble University of Delaware students
  • Sudden, inexplicable enlargement of the thighs
  • Often, recurrence of sexually-transmitted diseases is associated with Senioritis
  • Increased instances of public urination

How do I treat Senioritis?

Most strains of Senioritis are currently untreatable. Studies show that as high as 20% of cases become lifelong illnesses. In most instances, the only treatment is to let the infection run its course. Common remedies include spring break, apple pie, cats and graduation if you’re lucky.

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