Ted Bundy admitted to frat because he “slays bitches”

Ted Bundy

Freshman pledge Ted Bundy was immediately made a brother in Beta Epsilon fraternity after explaining to house members that he had slayed four bitches during the previous evening.

“I slayed two in one night once…I thought I pulled, but apparently I’m nothing!” pledgemaster and senior Jeff Murray admitted, who said that Bundy’s number was a record for the house.

“You’re killin’ it, bro!” junior and president Jared Goldstein exclaimed.

Bundy, who was permitted to skip the traditional ‘hell week,’ said that he slayed the bitches in a fit of rage.

“Yeah, you know how to rage, bro,” sophomore Daniel Hu replied.

To pats on the back, Bundy said that the “pieces of ass” were still back in his apartment. Cries of “sucks to suck” drowned out Bundy’s further statements of location concerning  pieces of legs and arms.

Also admitted into the fraternity was freshman Jeffrey Dahmer, who, according to brothers, slays young men and boys “by the dozen, yo.”

Murray, who said that Beta Ep makes an active effort to be LGBTQ friendly,  asked Dahmer if his targets were hot – an awkward attempt at demonstrating acceptance.

However, Dahmer was not offended and reportedly replied that they were “boiling hot,” “350 degrees,” and so hot you could “eat their livers with fava beans and a side of chianti without getting salmonella poisoning.” He received fist-bumps and cheers.

Chris Brown advanced to full brotherhood membership last week. Sources within the chapter say he knows how to “hit that.”

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