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20 Things About Winter

20 Things About Winter

So despite our best efforts, winter is indeed coming. Yeah, whatever, we get to have the holiday season and stuff but it will also be really cold and really dark for like four months (minimum) so there’s really nothing to actually be happy about. I guess the only things to do are to lace up … Continue reading

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Where in the World was Kim Jong-un?

Where in the World was Kim Jong-un?

With reports that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has allegedly  (and finally) been seen in public, many people are wondering where he has been for the past month. Punch Bowl investigative journalists have obtained authentic, real, and totally legit photographic evidence showing how the supreme leader has been spending his time. In the past month, he: Received … Continue reading

Rap Analytics Part III: Rappers Are Crazy

Rap Analytics Part III: Rappers Are Crazy

Greetings my avid readers AKA mom! So I have a problem. My extensive work in the psych department last semester (shouts out to PSYC160!) has quite near ruined my experience with hip-hop music. The more I listen to rap music, the more I recognize not-so-borderline psychotic behaviors described in class. Oh, you don’t know what … Continue reading

List of Groups Applying for SAC Recognition

List of Groups Applying for SAC Recognition

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Now that SAC has partially lifted its moratorium on student groups, an unnecessarily large number of student groups has attempted applying for funding and recognition. Through some sleuthing, the Punch Bowl has received a partial list of groups applying for recognition: Assorted Glee Club Rejects Assorted Mask & Wig Rejects Assorted [Insert … Continue reading

We’re All Going to Die: Ebola Edition

We’re All Going to Die: Ebola Edition

Today’s guest column comes to us from our resident world health expert, Luke Hoban. Scientists confirmed Tuesday afternoon that a scary-sounding disease previously isolated on a continent that we don’t really pay attention to is now only 1,000 miles away from those of us in the Northeast. The outbreak, which has impacted thousands elsewhere in … Continue reading

New Job Opportunity: World’s Vaguest Start-Up

New Job Opportunity: World’s Vaguest Start-Up

Locations: San Francisco, CA Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Washington, D.C. + local and international positions available Position: Unpaid internship for the summer. Sometimes we pay. If we like you, we’ll pay you. If we like your skills, we’ll hire you, probably. Our full-timers tend to be more attractive than actually skilled, so I … Continue reading

Starbucks Changes Name to Pumpkin Spice

Starbucks Changes Name to Pumpkin Spice

After an especially early and demanding start of the pumpkin spice season, Starbucks has decided to give up on serving regular coffee and pastries and only serve pumpkin spice-flavored items. New items on the menu will include pumpkin spice tea, pumpkin spice frappucinos, pumpkin spice muffins, pumpkin spice cookies, pumpkin spice bagels, pumpkin spice rice … Continue reading

The Naturalist’s Guide to Penn’s Campus

The Naturalist’s Guide to Penn’s Campus

Stretching from the industrialized banks of the Schuylkill to the rolling hills west of 42nd, Penn’s campus serves as a little oasis in the midst of a bustling metropolitan city. Home to a wide array of flora and fauna, researchers and nature zealots alike have flocked here for centuries to marvel at the stunning array of biodiversity … Continue reading

The Truth Behind Rankings

The Truth Behind Rankings

Today’s guest column comes to us from sophomore, and satanism expert, Luke Hoban, here to shed some light on Penn’s recent rankings. In a completely coincidental, not at all suspicious string of good fortune, Penn has recently garnered a ton of media awards. These rankings seemed a bit suspicious when they were announced, so the … Continue reading

The Latest in Technology: the Apple Apple

The Latest in Technology: the Apple Apple

Resident Punch Bowl technology expert Max Levy tells us all about Apple’s newest venture in today’s guest column. SILICON VALLEY – Amazed by the critical acclaim facing the Apple Watch, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced his company’s newest product today: the Apple Apple. “We wanted to take the elegance of our brand,” Cook said in … Continue reading

How to Have the Interview of Your Life

How to Have the Interview of Your Life

Today, our guest writer Katie Sgarro takes her experiences doing OCR and rolls them up in a nice column-sized package for you all to learn from. Attention all Penn students: Contrary to popular belief, The Punch Bowl is interested in your professional success! With this in mind, we present you with a play-by-play of the … Continue reading

Sociological Study of a SWUG

Sociological Study of a SWUG

The SWUG, or Senior Washed Up Girl, is an oft-discussed, seldom-spotted creature, native to her bedroom and Starbucks. She prefers wearing a robe, or no pants at all, to jeans, and can frequently be heard saying, “I just want to drink wine at home tonight.” This is a sociological study of a SWUG at the … Continue reading

Things Unintentionally Learned During NSO

Things Unintentionally Learned During NSO

At our weekly ritual gathering this past week, the newest batch of young Punch Bowlers told the rest of us what they unintentionally learned during NSO… Outdoor couches are excellent places to pass out Pants = towel Don’t talk to the person in the stall next to you… especially in the gender neutral restroom All … Continue reading

Fall Fashion Tips – Pit Stains

Fall Fashion Tips – Pit Stains

With a new school year upon us it seems like all of us here at Penn are looking to revamp our wardrobes to be trendy, stylish, and totally the scene. But, with all of these fashion tips crowding the internet, it’s hard to keep up. Real hard. Are those jeans too skinny? Do stripes and … Continue reading