We’re All Going to Die: Ebola Edition

We’re All Going to Die: Ebola Edition

Today’s guest column comes to us from our resident world health expert, Luke Hoban. Scientists confirmed Tuesday afternoon that a scary-sounding disease previously isolated on a continent that we don’t really pay attention to is now only 1,000 miles away from those of us in the Northeast. The outbreak, which has impacted thousands elsewhere in … Continue reading

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New Job Opportunity: World’s Vaguest Start-Up

New Job Opportunity: World’s Vaguest Start-Up

Locations: San Francisco, CA Los Angeles, CA New York, NY Washington, D.C. + local and international positions available Position: Unpaid internship for the summer. Sometimes we pay. If we like you, we’ll pay you. If we like your skills, we’ll hire you, probably. Our full-timers tend to be more attractive than actually skilled, so I … Continue reading

Starbucks Changes Name to Pumpkin Spice

Starbucks Changes Name to Pumpkin Spice

After an especially early and demanding start of the pumpkin spice season, Starbucks has decided to give up on serving regular coffee and pastries and only serve pumpkin spice-flavored items. New items on the menu will include pumpkin spice tea, pumpkin spice frappucinos, pumpkin spice muffins, pumpkin spice cookies, pumpkin spice bagels, pumpkin spice rice … Continue reading

The Naturalist’s Guide to Penn’s Campus

The Naturalist’s Guide to Penn’s Campus

Stretching from the industrialized banks of the Schuylkill to the rolling hills west of 42nd, Penn’s campus serves as a little oasis in the midst of a bustling metropolitan city. Home to a wide array of flora and fauna, researchers and nature zealots alike have flocked here for centuries to marvel at the stunning array of biodiversity … Continue reading

The Truth Behind Rankings

The Truth Behind Rankings

Today’s guest column comes to us from sophomore, and satanism expert, Luke Hoban, here to shed some light on Penn’s recent rankings. In a completely coincidental, not at all suspicious string of good fortune, Penn has recently garnered a ton of media awards. These rankings seemed a bit suspicious when they were announced, so the … Continue reading

The Latest in Technology: the Apple Apple

The Latest in Technology: the Apple Apple

Resident Punch Bowl technology expert Max Levy tells us all about Apple’s newest venture in today’s guest column. SILICON VALLEY – Amazed by the critical acclaim facing the Apple Watch, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced his company’s newest product today: the Apple Apple. “We wanted to take the elegance of our brand,” Cook said in … Continue reading

How to Have the Interview of Your Life

How to Have the Interview of Your Life

Today, our guest writer Katie Sgarro takes her experiences doing OCR and rolls them up in a nice column-sized package for you all to learn from. Attention all Penn students: Contrary to popular belief, The Punch Bowl is interested in your professional success! With this in mind, we present you with a play-by-play of the … Continue reading

Sociological Study of a SWUG

Sociological Study of a SWUG

The SWUG, or Senior Washed Up Girl, is an oft-discussed, seldom-spotted creature, native to her bedroom and Starbucks. She prefers wearing a robe, or no pants at all, to jeans, and can frequently be heard saying, “I just want to drink wine at home tonight.” This is a sociological study of a SWUG at the … Continue reading

Things Unintentionally Learned During NSO

Things Unintentionally Learned During NSO

At our weekly ritual gathering this past week, the newest batch of young Punch Bowlers told the rest of us what they unintentionally learned during NSO… Outdoor couches are excellent places to pass out Pants = towel Don’t talk to the person in the stall next to you… especially in the gender neutral restroom All … Continue reading

Fall Fashion Tips – Pit Stains

Fall Fashion Tips – Pit Stains

With a new school year upon us it seems like all of us here at Penn are looking to revamp our wardrobes to be trendy, stylish, and totally the scene. But, with all of these fashion tips crowding the internet, it’s hard to keep up. Real hard. Are those jeans too skinny? Do stripes and … Continue reading