Joe Biden Names Arkansas 2014 State of the Union

Joe Biden Names Arkansas 2014 State of the Union

Punch Bowl freshman and guest columnist, Luke Hoban reporting from Washington DC.  Media attention has focused on President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address over the last few weeks. However, late Monday night it was announced that Vice President Joe Biden had come to a decision, naming Arkansas to be Official 2014 State of … Continue reading

What You Can Do When You’re Eighteen

What You Can Do When You’re Eighteen

Punch Bowl freshman and resident young’n, Sheida Takmil recently turned 18. Here is her story. Eighteen: a number, a milestone, a lifestyle. The feeling of the 18th birthday is unlike any other: you are no longer a child. You are now a warrior. For any 1995 babies milking out every golden moment left of the … Continue reading

Valentine’s Day Poems and Neurotic Eroticisms

Valentine’s Day Poems and Neurotic Eroticisms

Can you feel it? All that love in the air? Can someone get some Febreze in here ASAP? Whether you’re spending today with your significant other/friends/Netflix/insignificant other/pizza delivery guy, it’s always good to be prepared with poetry. Check out these poems from all of us here at The Punch Bowl, guaranteed to set the mood … Continue reading

BREAKING: Stray Dog Wins Luge Olympic Gold Medal

BREAKING: Stray Dog Wins Luge Olympic Gold Medal

In a shocking and adorable turn of events, stray dog Vladimir Puptin won the gold medal in today’s women’s singles luge competition. Prior to the Sochi Winter Olympics, the Sochi government tried to eliminate all the stray dogs in the city, saying they were “wild and dangerous.” However, rescuers and law enforcement failed to capture … Continue reading

The Top Eight Mysteries of Pretty Little Liars

The Top Eight Mysteries of Pretty Little Liars

Pretty Little Liars is objectively the defining show of our generation. This is because it has everything we love: drama, high school, gossip, blackmail, lesbians, and so much more. The show begins in Rosewood, Pennsylvania, with the death of Allison, the most popular girl at school. Her four best friends, the “Pretty Little Liars”, spend … Continue reading

Rap Analytics: DMX Decoded

Rap Analytics: DMX Decoded

As you may be aware, the text for the Penn Reading Project this year was the seminal work Book of Rhymes by Adam Bradley, a work extols the artistic merit of hip-hop music and encourages listeners to turn a critical ear to the genre. In an effort to sustain the theme of this work throughout … Continue reading

Penn Community Waiting for Snow Day

Penn Community Waiting for Snow Day

As the remaining one-inch of snow on the ground cycles from ice to slush and back again, members of the Penn community are still waiting for a snow day to reward them for their hardships. “I was walking through college green, and part of locust walk was frozen. I slipped so badly that I almost … Continue reading

Super Bowl Commercials Suck

Super Bowl Commercials Suck

Well, the Super Bowl was a rolling fiasco. Right from the first play, we all knew this was gonna be one to remember. A safety resulting from a longsnap gone too long within the first 15 seconds was just the start of the subsequent “Ivy score” massacre. As millions of fans collectively groaned at the … Continue reading

How To Throw a Super Bowl Party

How To Throw a Super Bowl Party

Throwing a Super Bowl Party but afraid you’ll make embarrassing mistakes? Staff Super Bowl expert Jeffrey Silver has tips and tricks to get you through the night! 1. Invite a friend! – Call or text a friend and invite them over to watch the big game at your place. Your invite should be casual, but … Continue reading

So You’re Rushing A Frat

So You’re Rushing A Frat

Guest columnist, Brendan Murray, infiltrated fraternity rush and came back with these tips. The rushing season is upon us, and the young freshmen are flocking from one fraternity house to another, like lemmings who are trying to find the best cliff off which to throw their 3.89 GPAs. They do this in favor of having … Continue reading