


New Finals Season Study Strategy: Compartmentalization

Thanksgiving Haikus 2019

Disgruntled Student Sues Penn

“Mask and Wig” Club Founded for Students Interested in Costume Design

The Nerd’s Guide to Watching Sports

Yikes! All of Woman’s Dance Moves Clearly Learned in Zumba Class

Everything You Need to Know About No Nut November

Penn Issues New Policy: Failing to Preregister Means You Must Drop Out

Don’t Send Nudes; Send Podcast Recommendations

Penn Issues New Red and Navy Blue Dress Code: Estimated to Affect Around 0 Students

The UPenn 2019 Halloween Guide…..CRAP We Missed Our Deadline

Embarrassment for USA: ISIS Leader Killed Was Actually Head of Egyptian Goddess’ Fan Club

Spooky One Liners to get you a Boo

So it’s Basically Christmas (10/29)

MY Overnight Economic Miracle

Ben Franklin Rises- A Halloween Tale

Worldwide Outbreak of “Shitty Week”

A Beginner’s Guide to Breathing

Tragic! Girl Thinks, “Let’s Get Lunch” is Actual Invitation

Halloween Cancelled Due to Literally Every Costume Being Offensive

Pumpkin Spice Flavoring is Among the Top Contributors to Global Climate Change

What To Do When Your Emotional Support Animal Application Is Revoked

Breaking: Girl Completes Marathon in 1:58

Wow! Another Ethan Doesn’t Respect Women!

Local Comedic Writer Out of Ideas

Breaking: XXL Sea-Green Penn Sweatshirt Located in Lost & Found

Electronic Scooters Implicated in Mysterious Lung Disease

I Want Filas So I Can Go “Stomp Stomp Stomp”

Why Feet Are Actually The WOAT

TOP 5 VAN PELT BAG CHECK BUSTS OF ALL TIME

Find Out What Coffee Matches Your Major/Pre-Professional Aura

The ACTUAL Truth about the Compass

WWII Technology Enthusiast Disappointed by “Tankie” Convention

Girl with “Good Vibes Only” Sticker Emitting Terrible Vibes

Breaking: Students too Busy to Notice Giant, Disembodied Head in Van Pelt Basement

BEST TV SHOWS & MOVIES TO WATCH IN CLASS AND PROBABLY LEARN THE SAME AMOUNT

Breaking: A Girl Is Tired

What to Do When You’re Watching a Show With Your Parents and There’s a Sex Scene

FIVE of the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS for Penn Newbies—ANSWERED

MADLIBS: Back when I was a freshman…

Freshman Achieves Enlightenment in First Philosophy Class

Chaos at OCR as Wharton is Ghosted by Every Company

Weird Sophomore Goes Two Weeks without Mocking Freshmen

Hurricane Categories as told by a Native Floridian

How to Maintain Self-Esteem When You AREN’T Cat Called

Wharton to Begin Offering “Skills for Avoiding Homeless People on the Street” Class in Fall 2020

“NCH Is Like in the Middle of Nowhere” Says English Major with Four Fisher-Bennett Classes

Would Anyone Be Interested In Subletting This Cardboard Box I Found Outside FroGro

Jobs for Jobless Seniors
