The “Last Week Of Classes Checklist” You Didn’t Know You Needed
How to get over rejection from the person who is TOTALLY the love of your life
New Campus Group Pushes for Randomized Housing
Other Things I’d Like the CDC to Put a Pause On
My New and Original Admissions Consulting Business!
Help! I have fallen out of the universe
Penn Students Opt For Safer Alternatives To Dining Halls
Zoom Class Captivated by Show Reflected Off of Student’s Glasses
Side Effects of the COVID-19 Vaccine Just for You!
How to Maintain Mental Wellness in a Pandemic
“Save room for Jesus!”: Principal Criticizes CDC’s New Spacing Guidelines
Find YOUR Divorce Match Today!
Penn Block Scheduling Is Great For Everyone!
Punch Bowl Mining Crew Discovers the Ruins of Gourmet Grocer
REPORT: Masochists Prefer Two-Injection Vaccines
The Life and Death of Covie, the Brave Covid Particle – Part One
CPAC Statues that Didn’t Make the Cut
OP ED: I took classes synchronously as an international student, and it was totally worth it!
Student Finds Loophole For Penn Two-Day Spring Break
Goldman Interviewer Has Had Enough of the Bullshit
Dear Punchy: Ted Cruz Has My Heart
We Write More Rupi Kaur Poetry About Penn
Penn Student-Athletes Finally Getting What They Deserve
Ten Things I Would Rather Experience than Watch Mitch McConnell Speak
69 Penn Specific Romance Tropes for Valentines Day
Op-Ed: Penn is the Ivy League’s Biggest Overachiever
How Outsmart PennOpen Pass
How to BS in recitation when you didn’t do the readings
Op-Ed: You Took Maureen Rush’s Words Out of Context
5 Stages of Coming to Terms with Your Spotify Wrapped
2021 President’s Engagement Prize Winner: Reading Marxism to Steel workers in Pennsylvania
Wharton Student Reports Unidentified “Ghostly” Forces Impressively Completed His MGMT 230 Team Project
Thanksgiving Haikus- 2020
Stress Foods: RANKED
Ranking College Houses (Based on Their Ability to Get You Laid, Pre-COVID)
OP-ED: Penn is becoming a haven for dirty socialists
PENN Edition: 10 Puns to annoy your relatives with
Note Regarding Upcoming Holiday Travel From Penn
Rating Creative Voter Suppression Tactics
BREAKING: Dominatrix Is Controlling Election Coverage
A photo essay of the election, as told through MSNBC correspondent Steve Kornacki
EXPOSED: Elect-ile Dysfunction Spread by Old Men
Tiffany Trump To Remove All T’s from Her Name
Penn Dining To Unveil a New Fall Spice
Judge Barrett responds to every question with lyrics from “Losing My Religion”- answers actually make more sense
DP Reporter fails to mention that Trump was a Wharton graduate, promptly fired
Late Night Musings of a Professor
This Lecture is Taking Forever: A Villanelle
