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Penn Satire, Since 1899

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Featured Punchy

Op-Ed: You Took Maureen Rush’s Words Out of Context

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5 Stages of Coming to Terms with Your Spotify Wrapped

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2021 President’s Engagement Prize Winner: Reading Marxism to Steel workers in Pennsylvania

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Wharton Student Reports Unidentified “Ghostly” Forces Impressively Completed His MGMT 230 Team Project

Featured Punchy

Thanksgiving Haikus- 2020

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Stress Foods: RANKED

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Ranking College Houses (Based on Their Ability to Get You Laid, Pre-COVID)

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OP-ED: Penn is becoming a haven for dirty socialists

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PENN Edition: 10 Puns to annoy your relatives with

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Note Regarding Upcoming Holiday Travel From Penn

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Rating Creative Voter Suppression Tactics

Featured Punchy

BREAKING: Dominatrix Is Controlling Election Coverage

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A photo essay of the election, as told through MSNBC correspondent Steve Kornacki

Featured Punchy

EXPOSED: Elect-ile Dysfunction Spread by Old Men

Featured Punchy

Tiffany Trump To Remove All T’s from Her Name

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Penn Dining To Unveil a New Fall Spice

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Judge Barrett responds to every question with lyrics from “Losing My Religion”- answers actually make more sense

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DP Reporter fails to mention that Trump was a Wharton graduate, promptly fired

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Late Night Musings of a Professor

Featured Punchy

This Lecture is Taking Forever: A Villanelle

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Best Couples Costumes for Halloween 2020!

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I Tried Trump’s COVID Cocktail So You Don’t Have To

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Exclusive Interview with Jefferson Davis

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NEW CLUB ON CAMPUS: We write Rupi Kaur poetry about Penn

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13 Puns for these Cursed Times

Featured Punchy

Op-Ed: Why Penn Students Don’t Need Breaks

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Fall DIYs With Little to No Purchases!

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Professor Shocks Students with New Tattoo

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The Art of Seduction: Zoom Edition

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5 Reasons Why Llamas are the Key to Reopening Penn

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Locust Hate-Preacher Devastated Classes are Online

Featured Punchy

Wharton Students Feeling Right at Home with Virtual Recruiting

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How to Best Utilize Zoom’s Greatest Feature

Featured Punchy

Guys, I’m Moving to Venus!

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Why Online Classes are Just NOT IT

Featured Punchy

STORYTIME: Pete Buttigieg Haunted My Drive to Campus

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Heartbreaking: Girl Staying Home for Fall Semester Thinks her Friendships will Survive the Distance 

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Fall 2020: A Shakespearean Tragedy

Featured Punchy

OP-ED: Abroad Did Not Change Me Enough

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Top 5 Tips for Zoom Etiquette

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What Did You Do This Summer?

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Best 5 Minute Life Hack EVER

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The “Tragedy” of Toad

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Penn Partners with Ancestry.com for Mail-In COVID Tests

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Quarantine Edition: Things to Roll on 4/20

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“Yeah, I’ve Totally Been Prepping for Social Distancing my Whole Life!” Says Attention-Seeking Extrovert

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Op-Ed: How I Got MERTed During Bio Lab

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UPenn Announces New “Punch Bowl Only” Wing in Van Pelt Library

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New Report Predicts Transportation Trends Coming To Campus

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Op-Ed: I Sexually Identify as an “Atlantic Salmon”

October 27, 2020 Punchy

10 Tips to Help You Procrastinate Guilt-Free!

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