


Penn Students Opt For Safer Alternatives To Dining Halls

Zoom Class Captivated by Show Reflected Off of Student’s Glasses

Side Effects of the COVID-19 Vaccine Just for You!

How to Maintain Mental Wellness in a Pandemic

“Save room for Jesus!”: Principal Criticizes CDC’s New Spacing Guidelines

Find YOUR Divorce Match Today!

Penn Block Scheduling Is Great For Everyone!

Punch Bowl Mining Crew Discovers the Ruins of Gourmet Grocer

REPORT: Masochists Prefer Two-Injection Vaccines

The Life and Death of Covie, the Brave Covid Particle – Part One

CPAC Statues that Didn’t Make the Cut

OP ED: I took classes synchronously as an international student, and it was totally worth it!

Student Finds Loophole For Penn Two-Day Spring Break

Goldman Interviewer Has Had Enough of the Bullshit

Dear Punchy: Ted Cruz Has My Heart

We Write More Rupi Kaur Poetry About Penn

Penn Student-Athletes Finally Getting What They Deserve

Ten Things I Would Rather Experience than Watch Mitch McConnell Speak

69 Penn Specific Romance Tropes for Valentines Day

Op-Ed: Penn is the Ivy League’s Biggest Overachiever

How Outsmart PennOpen Pass

How to BS in recitation when you didn’t do the readings

Op-Ed: You Took Maureen Rush’s Words Out of Context

5 Stages of Coming to Terms with Your Spotify Wrapped

2021 President’s Engagement Prize Winner: Reading Marxism to Steel workers in Pennsylvania

Wharton Student Reports Unidentified “Ghostly” Forces Impressively Completed His MGMT 230 Team Project

Thanksgiving Haikus- 2020

Stress Foods: RANKED

Ranking College Houses (Based on Their Ability to Get You Laid, Pre-COVID)

OP-ED: Penn is becoming a haven for dirty socialists

PENN Edition: 10 Puns to annoy your relatives with

Note Regarding Upcoming Holiday Travel From Penn

Rating Creative Voter Suppression Tactics

BREAKING: Dominatrix Is Controlling Election Coverage

A photo essay of the election, as told through MSNBC correspondent Steve Kornacki

EXPOSED: Elect-ile Dysfunction Spread by Old Men

Tiffany Trump To Remove All T’s from Her Name

Penn Dining To Unveil a New Fall Spice

Judge Barrett responds to every question with lyrics from “Losing My Religion”- answers actually make more sense

DP Reporter fails to mention that Trump was a Wharton graduate, promptly fired

Late Night Musings of a Professor

This Lecture is Taking Forever: A Villanelle

Best Couples Costumes for Halloween 2020!

I Tried Trump’s COVID Cocktail So You Don’t Have To

Exclusive Interview with Jefferson Davis

NEW CLUB ON CAMPUS: We write Rupi Kaur poetry about Penn

13 Puns for these Cursed Times

Op-Ed: Why Penn Students Don’t Need Breaks
