I Can’t Define A Porn Journal Entry, But I Know One When I See It

by Sam Pasternack

The following excerpt, written by Mr. Sam Pasternack, was a response to a recent homework assignment, “Write about porn.” Bear in mind, he read this aloud the following day before his entire, fully erect class.

I Can’t Define A Porn Journal Entry, But I Know One When I See It

The porn industry is the Sinestro to conventional cinema’s Green Lantern1. In documentaries, a central theme is the position which a protagonist takes. In porn, a central theme is what position the protagonist is in. In a dramatic film, the protagonist comes to grips with destiny after a wild ride. In porn, Destiny2 grips onto the protagonist for a wild ride.

Also, the porn industry showcases one of the most taboo acts of all: copying and parodying titles of heralded films in the world of conventional cinema. It makes me wonder what would happen if the title-stealing was reversed. Perhaps some conventional films have already stolen porn titles without us knowing. The following films exemplify my point:

* Inside Man
* The 400 Blows
* Trading Places
* The Third Man
* Raging Bull
* 8 ½
* Some Like It Hot
* The Man with the Golden Gun3
* Strangers on a Train
* The Wrestler
* Cool Hand Luke4
* It Happened One Night
* There Will Be Blood
* Flubber5

1 46 consecutive homework assignments with a Green Lantern reference. Ten more until I beat my record.
2 I hope Destiny’s Child isn’t offended by that, but their mother makes me “Lose My Breath”
3 Thought I was going to say Octopussy? Well you’re wrong!
4 Lots of eggs.
5 This movie is so profane, so vile, so vulgar that it is rated U in France. I’ll let you guess what the U stands for.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s