Turkey Day Haikus!

Anita Gade
Wailing in the air
“Chief” guest arrives to table
Wears feather headdress

What is this nonsense?
Indian-Americans
Being P.C.? Nope.

Arnolf Bentham
Cousins from China
This year they brought the turkey
Wait this is a cat

To be a pilgrim
Just have meal at friend’s house
After, steal the house

Alexi Dinerstein
The dutch belgian man
also survived a coma
but not from turkey

Distended stomach
now I know what death is like
I’ll have seconds please

Stephen Tsai
Gained one two ten pounds
Can no longer see my feet
Seconds and thirds please

So much turkey left
Penn how I long for thee so
I hate leftovers

Andrew Piskai
Stuffing, cranberries,
mashed potatoes with butter,
carrots, pumpkin pie,

green beans and turkey:
all of these are the inputs.
Gravy’s the output.

Raj Gopal
People confuse me
With Native Americans.
Kind of annoying.

Not yet December
But TV says it’s Christmas
Grandpa is confused

Thanksgiving football
The Lions lose every year
Why do we still watch?

David Shore
Gandhi and Vishnu,
For Sitar, settlers thank you.
Whoops! Wrong Indians.

Tryptophan and bed;
Turkey, my girlfriend hates you.
I can’t get it up.

Heyhey Mom and Dad!
No, I’m not a doctor yet.
Isn’t break awesome?

Jacobson and Will,
Some Berkman and Piskai too,
Matt Bloch, where are you?

Daniel Weinblatt
Thanksgiving football
Honors our tolerant past
Cowboys beat Redskins

“Here you carve turkey.
In Russia, turkey shoots you,”
says Yakov Smirnoff

Eric Berdinis
The turkey’s too dry.
Let’s give it some more gravy.
Hope she’s not pregrant.

My dad likes white meat.
I strongly prefer dark meat.
Whatever. A dick’s a dick.

Mom can’t stand to cook.
So we are forced to eat out
Aunt Julie. Wait, what?

Jason Merrin
Thanksgiving parade:
Instead of eating turkey
Watch the Big Bird float.

Thanksgiving is here,
The halls are decked – wait, is it
Christmas already?

Sam Pasternack
Thanksgiving football
Will anything be different?
No, the Lions suck.

My bad Taylor Swift
I’m gonna let you finish
But pass me them yams

Few Thanksgiving shows
Why don’t TV characters
Enjoy binge-eating?

Did Adam Sandler
Write songs about Thanksgiving
Or was that Purim?

Lance Wildorf
So much food for all
Turkey, stuffing, potatoes
That wasn’t stuffing…

Benjamin Franklin
Wanted a Turkey Mascot
This guy made our school?

Some smallpox blankets:
Gift you surely wouldn’t want
To Indian Give

Thanksgiving last year,
The Uncle I never saw
Got drunk and touched me

What is so special
about that tryptophan shit?
I’m used to roofies.

My son hates football
His fat ass just eats all day
Pass me the Yuengling

Thanksgiving is the
Only reason Jews have to
Feel American.

Michael Baresich
Turkey and stuffing
seem to be redundant;
Just eat lard.

A day of eating?
A day of shopping? Thanks
for no communists!

Poems of Japan
on Thanksgiving? Yes,
non sequitur.

Daniel Berkman
Vegetarians,
Thanksgiving’s not for you guys.
Get over yourselves.

One more plate o’ food,
Chair won’t stop creaking. Whatevs,
This isn’t my house.

Oh, mashed potatoes!
A side? No. Tis A topping,
A great condiment.

The turkey’s caught fire.
Now Thanksgiving misgivings.
Drive-thru anyone?

Breathing now heavy,
I could really use a stent…
…food superhighway?

Deep frying my bird.
Cripsy skin, oily flavor.
Took a Lipitor.

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