by Luba Smolensky
Katie: 5’11’’ Irish prima donna with red hair that accents her Burberry belt and Burberry rain boots. The black nail polish and black American Apparel t-shirt tucked into her black skinny jeans truly bring out her blue eyes.
Katherine: 5’10 ½ ‘’ Swedish prima donna with blonde hair that accents her Burberry belt and Burberry rain boots. The maroon nail polish and black Urban t-shirt tucked into her black skinny jeans truly bring out her blue eyes.
Scene: Chapter has just ended. All the sisters are ansy; their Big-little lists are due tomorrow. The pledge master is getting a lot of positive attention today although she is usually ignored.
Katherine: ugh what now?
Katie: My list. Mad hard.
Katherine: can you stop pretending like your popular
Katie: can you start pretending like you’re not a bitch. Just sayin’
Katherine: whatevz chica. Whats your problem?
Katie: What do you think about Linda?
Katherine:There’s a Linda in the new pledge class? Oh! Did she swap saliva with that the umm portly baseball player? Heh.
Katie: Yea….that one.
Katherine:Um. I mean she def wasn’t at the top of our bid list so I guess you wouldn’t have to try as hard during big-lil week…save money.
Katie: You’re a fucking bouquet of roses.
Katherine:How about Jean-Joanie? She’s awesome. I’m OBSESSED.
Katie: Yea. Tabard wannabee- carries around a lunchbox and already set up camp on College Green. She was cut like 4 weeks ago.
Katherine: She’s generous though. I got coke and oxycotton from her for SUCH a discount. Like you don’t even know.
Katie: I like your priorities.
Katherine: But really, who will you pick?
Katie: I really like that trendy girl Kate. There’s something about her that’s so familiar. You know- we have all the same interests like we both like beta AND urban… We buy the same clothes…except in diff colors..sometimes. She lives near me and we are just really on the same wavelength.
Katherine: Yea I like Kate too. Pick her. She also looks like your lineage. You obvi don’t want some awk linpic.
Katie: YEA MY BIG SAID THE SAME THING! I just need to get her really trashed so I can convince her that she really wants me too. This girl flirting is going to give me a headache though.
Katherine: Yo. Its chill. I got tons of drugs on sale.
Katie: Ugh. LOVE YOU.
Katherine and Katie sneak into the kitchen. They eye the chef. She gets the hint remembering her college days. She leaves. Katherine and Katie use their sorority membership cards to form several lines of quality cocaine.
Scene: Mixer. Theme: CEO’s and Eskimos.
Katie: KAAAAATE. YOU ARE THE SHIT.
Kate: I LOVE YOU. I WISH I WAS ON YOUR LEVEL
Katie: GET TO MY LEVEL. GO FIND JEAN-JOANIE
Kate: WAIT CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET?
Katie: YEA! I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET TOO.
Kate: I REALLY WANT KATHERINE AS MY BIG. YOU THINK SHE FEELS THE SAME WAAAAAAAY?
Katie: you are a bitch.