Dear Bros

by Matt Fox

ΓΟΠ

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Bros,

Yo dudes. Soooo, we got an problem. I sort of started some shit and I kinda need to peace out and lie low. I don’t wanna fuck my boys over—you’re my boys!—but some dudes have been calling me out. The house might be under investigation. It is with much regretitude that I find myself announcing my decision to deactivate, effective as of today 11/08/06, my membership in the brotherhood of Gamma Omicron Pi.

Before you get pissed, let me explain. I’m like, really not…like, ok, I’m mad bummed about not getting to chill with you guys for the rest of the term. And I know GOP’s don’t cut and run when shit gets tough, but like…I gotta hang back.

Dudes, we fucking threw down. I’ll remember that much about my time with GOP (unless I’m in court lol). We threw some bangin’ parties. Remember the Welfare Reform and the No Ho Left Behind joints we threw? Shits were crunk. Haha yo remember when we all dropped E and took turns railing that toothy black chick Legacy was bangin’? Dude, she was soo passed out. Git Er Doooone lol. Haha or how about when Dickitch (best nickname, bro!) got hammered and did that Anchorman impression at the late-night after last year’s State of the Union address? I’m kind of a big deal hahahaha. Oh dude, remember when we made Rover pound that case of Natty before Sports Center re-looped? Man, I barely do, I was fuuucked. Oh man, we had some fucking gnarly times together. Memories dude. Gamma Omicron Pi pride.

As fraternal as my brotherly bond is to my brothers, I must end formal ties with the brotherhood. I’m mad sorry, I feel way crappy. We’ll hang soon, you’re all welcome to my dad’s pad (aka Club David bitch!) for Senior Week. Sorry again dudes, peace.

It’s been real,
Donald “Cap’m Morgan” Rumsfeld

P.S. Things also started getting a little gay towards the end…wierded me out.

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