April Fool's! … Was Yesterday

by Alex King

Yesterday was April Fool’s Day, an important holiday once celebrated only by Orthodox Jews that has now spread to all strata of society. With an amount of research that befits Punch Bowl, I’ve compiled a handy reference of commonly attempted April Fool’s Day pranks, and some common pitfalls for you to avoid. Since April Fool’s Day was yesterday, this will be handy information in a little under one year’s time. Please memorize it accordingly.

The Prank: Sticking gum on a doorbell so that it keeps ringing, and then running away
Why it will go awry: Without yelling ‘April Fool’s!’ the person may assume it was simply accidentally mislaid gum.

The Prank: Coming out to your parents
Why it will go awry: They won’t believe you when you actually do come out to them.

The Prank: Pointing at something on someone’s shirt, below their range of vision, informing them they have something on their shirt, and whence they look down, flipping your hand up into their face and saying ‘April Fool’s!’
Why it will go awry: The shirt may be freshly laundered and the person will not believe your claim of a stain upon it. Also, being subsequently punched in the face.

The Prank: Dressing up with some friends as terrorists and surprising one of your friends by kidnapping them and duct-taping their hands and feet together and throwing them in the back of a van and driving away, not realize your friend is actually a secret CIA operative and gasping in horror when you yell ‘April Fools!’ to them and find they have swallowed a cyanide pill they had secreted upon their person for circumstances such as these.
Why it will go awry: Van rental difficult unless you are of proper age/have an insurance waiver.

The Prank: Putting a bucket full of water atop of a slightly ajar door
Why it will go awry: Contrary to cartoon/TV show physics, bucket will not perfectly overturn and will instead simply fall upon the victim, causing a series head wound.

The Prank: Stopping a passerby and demanding their wallet while brandishing a knife, and yelling ‘April Fools!’ as you flee the scene.
Why it will go awry: Police brutality/difficult to file stolen cash on tax forms.

The Prank: Convincing your younger sibling they are adopted, by use of convincing rhetoric and photoshopped birth certificates and legal documents.
Why it will go awry: Tears, lifelong distrust, years of therapist fees.

The Prank: Informing a member of Penn for Peace that America has pulled its troops out of Iraq and then shouting ‘April Fool’s!’ at their glee-filled face.
Why it will go awry: Actually, that’d be pretty funny.

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