by Walker Hawkins
1. Join fraternity/sorority because you think otherwise you’ll never get invited to another party.
2. Be caught doing something incredibly awkward during a lecture (i.e. paying attention).
3. Tell yourself that next year is when academics really become important.
4. Join a club that requires absolutely no work, but looks excellent on a resume.
5. Pirate an embarrassing movie and blame it on your roommate.
6. Get incredibly hammered and make some sort of horrible decision (this may or may not include a hook-up of some kind, or joining a fraternity/sorority).
7. Pretend that the Spring Fling Concert is the best you’ve ever seen because that’s what everyone else said.
8. Try to transfer to Wharton because you realized your Spanish major has no real pull.
9. Hook up with your RA/GA and use it as leverage to do whatever the fuck you want.
10. Establish relationships that will last a life time!*
*See University of Pennsylvania brochure for more information