Your Life is a Movie

 

Don’t you know that feeling you get? It’s sort of like déjà vu and it’s sort of like you’re being watched? Well—that’s the feeling you get when you’re in a movie. The plot of your life feels clichéd and it seems like you’re living for the entertainment of others. Not all movies, however, are created equal. Sometimes your life feels like a lighthearted romantic comedy, but more often it’s a horror film. My life usually feels like the low-quality pornography that comes on Cinemax at two in the morning.

But which movie are you in? You need to know so you’ll know how it all ends. Here’s a brief guide to tell you what movie you’re living in:

If…

* Smokes is suspiciously empty
* the West Philadelphian locals are acting even weirder than usual
* the clap is no longer the biggest concern when swapping fluids with that frat guy

…you’re likely living in 28 Days Later.

If…

* your mother won’t stop bugging you to get married
* there is mad sexual tension with your work-study boss
* you’re not all that attractive, but two of the hottest guys on campus are fighting over you

…you’re likely living in Bridget Jones’ Diary.

If…

* money is important enough to you that even Matt “Dreamy” Reamy can’t convince you to do Teach for America next year
* you just got new business cards printed up at Campus Copy for OCR
* your nightly bloodlust has spilled over into your days

..you’re likely living in American Psycho.

If…

* you’re dominating intramural basketball
* your dad, who was in jail for insider trading, mysteriously gets a week of parole
* whether or not to use your blackberry to win quizzo is no longer your biggest moral dilemma

…you’re likely living in He Got Game.


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