Your Life is a Movie

by Kevin Kimura

Don’t you know that feeling you get? It’s sort of like déjà vu and it’s sort of like you’re being watched? Well—that’s the feeling you get when you’re in a movie. The plot of your life feels clichéd and it seems like you’re living for the entertainment of others. Not all movies, however, are created equal. Sometimes your life feels like a lighthearted romantic comedy, but more often it’s a horror film. My life usually feels like the low-quality pornography that comes on Cinemax at two in the morning.

But which movie are you in? You need to know so you’ll know how it all ends. Here’s a brief guide to tell you what movie you’re living in:

If…

* Smokes is suspiciously empty
* the West Philadelphian locals are acting even weirder than usual
* the clap is no longer the biggest concern when swapping fluids with that frat guy

…you’re likely living in 28 Days Later.

If…

* your mother won’t stop bugging you to get married
* there is mad sexual tension with your work-study boss
* you’re not all that attractive, but two of the hottest guys on campus are fighting over you

…you’re likely living in Bridget Jones’ Diary.

If…

* money is important enough to you that even Matt “Dreamy” Reamy can’t convince you to do Teach for America next year
* you just got new business cards printed up at Campus Copy for OCR
* your nightly bloodlust has spilled over into your days

..you’re likely living in American Psycho.

If…

* you’re dominating intramural basketball
* your dad, who was in jail for insider trading, mysteriously gets a week of parole
* whether or not to use your blackberry to win quizzo is no longer your biggest moral dilemma

…you’re likely living in He Got Game.


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