Don’t you know that feeling you get? It’s sort of like déjà vu and it’s sort of like you’re being watched? Well—that’s the feeling you get when you’re in a movie. The plot of your life feels clichéd and it seems like you’re living for the entertainment of others. Not all movies, however, are created equal. Sometimes your life feels like a lighthearted romantic comedy, but more often it’s a horror film. My life usually feels like the low-quality pornography that comes on Cinemax at two in the morning.
But which movie are you in? You need to know so you’ll know how it all ends. Here’s a brief guide to tell you what movie you’re living in:
* Smokes is suspiciously empty
* the West Philadelphian locals are acting even weirder than usual
* the clap is no longer the biggest concern when swapping fluids with that frat guy
…you’re likely living in 28 Days Later.
* your mother won’t stop bugging you to get married
* there is mad sexual tension with your work-study boss
* you’re not all that attractive, but two of the hottest guys on campus are fighting over you
…you’re likely living in Bridget Jones’ Diary.
* money is important enough to you that even Matt “Dreamy” Reamy can’t convince you to do Teach for America next year
* you just got new business cards printed up at Campus Copy for OCR
* your nightly bloodlust has spilled over into your days
..you’re likely living in American Psycho.
* you’re dominating intramural basketball
* your dad, who was in jail for insider trading, mysteriously gets a week of parole
* whether or not to use your blackberry to win quizzo is no longer your biggest moral dilemma
…you’re likely living in He Got Game.