Early Christmas Special

by Rish Chaudhuri

Fall is here. That means Christmas is right around the corner! YAAAY! Christmas Christmas Christmas. Did I not tell you that I simply adore Christmas? Anyways, here is a wholesome family Christmas carol we know, “Away in a Frathouse”. Sing along if you know how it goes!

Away In A Frathouse

Away in a frathouse
On a cum stained sofa bed
Big Doggy Matt Beasely
Found some pants on his head
How did the pants get there
That we’ll never know
Was it from the homeless guy
Or was it a bro?
Oh no I think I have AIDS
Is what Matt Beasley said
No bro said the other bro
If you did you’d be dead

He went to Student Health
Skipping accounting class
But either he would get stuff
Stuck way up his ass
When he reached the clinic
He went ghastly white
The girl sitting next to him
Was a familiar sight
Could it be, no it couldn’t be
The girl from last night
When he inquired further
The girl said “Dude, I’m a guy!”

Bro-ness all shattered, ego in disarray,
Matt Beasely was like totally shocked
Maybe he was gay?
But soon to his surprise
A fellow bro came and spoke
Merry Christmas you idiot
It was all just a joke
Tears streamed down in relief
As Matt started to cry (what a pussy!)
But as he reached into his pocket
There was a tub of KY…


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