A Centenarian’s Synopsis: The Harry Potter Seven

Another fantastic portrayal of realism from Mickey Rooney

I took the time, effort, and pills necessary to make my way to the cinema theater last week to see a wonderful new picture. While I count down the days until The Smurfs Movie, I just had to see this new foreign film that came out. Just like The Magnificent Seven was an American adaptation of The Seven Samurai, The Harry Potter Seven is the British take on the original work by Kurukooky. I love Kurukooky, so I thought, “How bad could this be?”

I thought the British were supposed to be our Allies, but holy cow was I wrong! They completely betrayed the original story! Yul Brynner’s part was played by a nebbish with a funny scarf, and there were no Mexicans to be found! They did redeem themselves with their casting, however, by giving Mickey Rooney a part in this film. He was playing himself, but under the character name “Dobby”. It’s a performance that you won’t want to miss.

I then needed to use the little movie critic’s room, so I made my way out of my chair and to the latrine. I don’t know what happened while I was on the toilet, but when I got back to the theater, Cher was teaching Christina Aguilera how to sing. Wow! What a twist!

At the end of most French movies it says “Fin”. I don’t know why, but I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason. Well similarly, this film ended with the word “Burlesque” on the screen. Maybe Burlesque is the British Fin.

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