Discreet Pete’s Contracting for Supervillains

How often has this happened to you?  You’ve got an international superspy shackled to an electro-shock chair, and you’re about to throw the switch, when all of a sudden the power goes out and he escapes into the night.  Pretty annoying, right?

Well, you’ll never have to worry about that again with Discreet Pete’s Contracting!  No more faulty wiring, unreliable plumbing, or malfunctioning doomsday devices.  Just contract work done discreetly and designed for you, no matter which prime minister you may or may not have kidnapped.

At Discreet Pete’s, we provide everything you need under one roof.  With over 15 years of experience building moats, trap doors, swiveling bookcases, shark tanks, and staircases that turn into slides, Discreet Pete’s is the only contractor you’ll ever need.

No project is too big or too small!  We’re happy installing mysterious vats of acid and precarious metal bridges, but we also construct missile silos and volcanoes shaped like your face.  It’s really up to you.

At Discreet Pete’s, we also believe in quality work.  Our employees are the most professional in the business.  They show up on time, they use clean language, and they won’t tell anyone about the new supervirus you’ve been testing.  How can our workers be so dedicated?  Well, Discreet Pete’s “Worker Incentive Program” ensures that employees will keep working hard if they ever want to see their families again.

But what does this mean for you?  Rock bottom prices!  Our workers are so motivated that they’ve taken drastic pay cuts to pass the savings on to you!

So choose Discreet Pete’s today for all of your contracting needs.  You won’t regret a thing, but your enemies will.

But wait!  Call before the 1st and receive a complementary laser beam and two genetically-modified sharks!  Perfect for when you’re having people* over**!

Discreet Pete’s.  “Prices so low, it’s almost certainly illegal!”

*hostages
**murdered
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