Suicide Note from an Unloved Word

Goodbye, cruel world.

There is no longer any reason for me to stay here. I am going to erase myself from this page, and the human language. Nobody loves me anymore. Gone are the days when people gladly used me to describe the texture of a chocolate cake, or the density of the air. Now whenever someone uses me, there is an instant response of “Ew!”

Sure, there are other words just as repulsive as me. Pubescent, regurgitate, pink. Yet they seem to be necessary to the English language. The world can survive without me. I can be easily replaced by less disgusting words, like damp. Nobody has a problem with damp. DAMP HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG. Damp has never disappointed mother like I have. But who more accurately describes a delicious chocolate cake, damp… or me?! But nobody cares.

So, I must bid you all adieu. Maybe one day you will wonder what the word is to describe the perfect texture of chocolate cake. But by then I will be long-forgotten, a word nobody wanted to remember in the first place.



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