The Thirst Games: May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor

The rules are simple. Start with 24 people in a room. The 24 tributes will be contained in this room that could hold anything from vodka to moonshine. Over a period of several hours, the competitors must fight to be the Thirst Games victor by drinking more than the others. The last tribute standing wins.

In the past, some tributes have started quite cocky. Typically those from district Fraternity and Athlete think they have it in the bag, especially against tributes from district Wharton and SEAS. But we must always remember, this game is as much a battle of wits as it is of stamina.

One fratstar was so confident in his ability to “drink all dem mo-fos under the table” that he showed up to the competition already drunk. This left him vulnerable to the elements very early on, however, and unable to outsmart the devious tribute from the nursing school. When the pretty, young nursing student led him to the TV to watch her favorite movie, The Notebook, it only took a few minutes before he succumbed to sleep. She bested the most bro of bros, eventually becoming that year’s winner.

Only an elite few have ever been crowned as victors. In a game as intense as this one, you can never be so sure who will win. Some contestants may pass out, trip down the stairs, spend hours vomiting, or even die of starvation after getting kicked out of Wawa for yelling at the sandwich lady to “Work faster, god damn it!”

The only words I can leave you with are, Happy Thirst Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!

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