Thank you for attending the Wednesday afternoon service for the Ambivalent Agnostic Thinkers’ Church of Our Hypothetical Saviour (If He or She or Whatever the Hell it Is Does Indeed Exist). The prayers for today’s service can be found below. The Church Director will lead, while the congregation will recite the lines in italics.
Prayer for Peace
We pray for peace.
To no one in particular.
We hope in our hearts to an end to all war.
We admit this prayer should do little to help.
Maybe we could hold a benefit concert or something?
Even if it doesn’t work we still get live music. Amen.
Prayer for Health
We wish to help those who are sick.
But we don’t want to touch them.
We feel pretty bad about it.
Though… if there is a deity maybe he/she/it wished sickness upon them?
Good point, really no way of knowing. Maybe we shouldn’t get involved.
Prayer for Answers
Sometimes we wonder about life.
It’s all very confusing.
Ever wonder what the hell is up with reality?
Well some answers would be nice.
Maybe even a hint would do. Amen.
Prayer for Those Who Wander
Let he who wanders from the path of Agnosticism be stricken with Rubella.
May the boils prove bothersome.
Let him wonder why his deity has allowed him to get Rubella.
May the rash itch like hell.
A fate deserving of a person who thinks he knows whether or not there’s a God or whatever.