Ever since Grover Cleveland invented the sound byte, quoting politicians has been America’s favorite pastime. Politicians often use quotes from their opponents to get an advantage in the race or simply to make the other guy look bad. The news media, entertainers, and ordinary citizens also quote politicians all the time. Since all four of these groups of people have the cumulative IQ of a Drexel English major, it’s no surprise that most of these quotes are taken out of context and used in a way that was not intended by the speaker. In fact, these quotes are so frequent that sometimes quotes we think are real are actually taken out of context. I did some digging around and uncovered the real context behind some politicians’ quotes:
“What Washington needs is adult supervision.”
-Barack Obama, gently rejecting 17 year old Newark resident Washington Conners from an R-rated movie.
“Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it’s the time when they most need to think.”
-Bill Clinton, on his redefinition of the word “think” to “get a blowjob”.
“One person can make a difference and every person should try.”
-John F. Kennedy, on subtraction.
“To those people who believe they can crush our will through persistence and ruthlessness: This is not your time”
-George W. Bush, on whose turn it is to use the microwave
“I have always done my duty. I am ready to die. My only regret is for the friends I leave behind me.”
-Zachary Taylor, brainstorming lines for the Lord of the Rings novels.
“Popularity, I have always thought, may aptly be compared to a coquette—the more you woo her, the more apt is she to elude your embrace.”
-John Tyler, drunk alone on his sofa eating out of a pint of ice cream
“Hey, I’m a Catholic deer hunter, I am happy to be clinging to my guns and my religion.”
Paul Ryan, on why he only hunts Catholic deer
“If you don’t feel something strongly you’re not going to achieve.”
-George W Bush, speaking to the American Association for the Blind
“My dad had been born in Mexico and his family had to leave during the Mexican revolution.”
-This was not said by Mitt Romney, but actually by his little-known son, Alvarez Romney, on how his father explained why he and his son were of different ethnicities
“Borrowing and spending is not the way to prosperity.”
-Paul Ryan, being completely wrong about the strategy of Monopoly.
“I’d like to think of myself as the flavor of the decade.”
– Ron Paul, about literally anything.
We will not spend four years blaming others, we will take responsibility.”
– Paul Ryan, seriously just wanting to know who left the damn lights on in the kitchen