In response to the Penn Dems’ “Get out the Vote” campaign, Penn Republicans present “The November 6th Non Partisan Fun Timestravaganza.”
Liberal leaning college students have enough on their plates without having to worry about that big stupid election going on. Why waste time voting in a crucial swing state when you could take advantage of the stacked gymnasium we rented miles away from the nearest West Philadelphia polling place? We got an Xbox 360, twenty big screen projectors, rock band, a laser lights show, universal health care, free Chipotle, Creed live in concert, Moonbounces, gay marriages, three rock walls, a massage parlor, manicures, pedicures, stringent gun control laws, a henna tattoo artist, a mechanical bull, a petting zoo, Tekken 5, progressive taxation, a tie dying station, photo booths, equal pay for women, balloon animals, a Rush Limbaugh dunk tank, cotton candy, decriminalized marijuana, souvenirs, a guest appearance by Michael Cera, caricature artists, 9 do it yourself abortion clinics, and the best part is it’s all powered by clean Wind Energy! Don’t be shy. Here at the November 6th Non-Partisan Fun Timestravaganza we got enough cool activities to make sure you and your Daily Show watching friends NEVER want to leave. Come early, stay late, or at least late enough that all the polling places are already well past closed when you get out.
Text by Lance Wildorf