Penn Adds “J.A.P.” Option to Application

This coming year, Penn will begin to list “J.A.P” as an option under personal information on all applications.  For those who are unfamiliar, a J.A.P. is a Jewish-American Princess (or Prince), typically a spoiled member of the tribe often from the tri-state area. Because J.A.P.s are currently overrepresented at Penn, administration added this option to gain a greater sense of the class makeup.

“They’re just such a characteristic group on campus. A lot of people are aware of their presence but few seem to bring it up out of fear of offending them. But people should know that this group is not easily offended- they are already used to their overbearing, nosy, condescending Jewish mothers. J.A.P.s can take it,” said Penn’s head admission officer, Sasha Schultz. The application will also be adding some follow up questions to the J.A.P. option just to make it more comprehensive. Such questions include: “How often do you eat quinoa?” “How many relatives do you have in the City?” and “When’s the last time you bought Uggs?”

To see how Penn’s current J.A.P. community was responding to the news, we quickly went to Sweetgreen to find some people to interview. “I’m just like really happy about it. But actually. Finally we’re like getting recognized for who we are and it’s just like, you know, I have to do me. Like Ke$ha once said, ‘we r who we r’”, said an unintelligible Allison Schwartz. Michelle Lipschitz, another member of the community, stated, “I’m also really happy that I can identify with this group.  I don’t wear Hunter boots and Moncler jackets for nothing, you know? It’s time people acknowledge our presence.”

Unsurprisingly, a J.A.P. support group has already sprung up on campus. Their first meeting will be held this Thursday. The current schedule is:

1:00-1:30: Ordering California rolls

1:30-3:00: Scavenger hunt for Wharton husbands

3:00-3:30: Complaining about the humidity

3:30-4:00: Getting some froyo from Sweetgreen.

4:00-7:30: Judging each other

“This support group is really helpful for me. The other day I brought my hair iron to class and everyone was giving me dirty looks. Then when I started to iron my hair during lecture, the teacher told me to stop. I felt so violated about it, you know? This is who I am as a J.A.P. My hair needs to be constantly straightened and I can’t have people judge me for that,” said Michelle Lipschitz as she ordered some Lulu Lemon yoga pants online.

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