BREAKING: Major Fair Leaves Freshmen More Confused Than Before

Guest columnist and freshman, Jeffrey Silver, provides an exclusive look into the event that has most freshmen halfway into their first existential crisis. 

Freshmen in Penn’s College of Arts & Sciences converged on Houston Hall yesterday to visit the annual Course and Major Fair. College students were looking to hone in on a specific path of study, but most left feeling more unsure about their future than ever.

“After gathering information about twenty different majors I just don’t know where I see myself in four years,” said one college student who really enjoys both her History of the Modern Middle East and Brain and Behavior classes. “There are just so many roads to go down, and I’m scared I might travel too far down the wrong one. Terrified, actually.”

One college student who asked to remain anonymous left the major fair using Bioethics business cards to wipe up his tears.  “I … I … I just don’t know if I can stick with Mathematical Economics for four whole years,” he said before adopting the fetal position outside of Insomnia Cookies.

“I went from the Africana Studies table straight to the African Studies table, and I still can’t tell you what the difference is,” said Noah Simmons, a particularly confused student.

Pre-Med Freshman Zack Lieberman was unable to attend the fair due to his back-to-back Chem and Bio labs and could not be reached for comment.

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