As Halloween creeps up our calendars like a silent Freddy Krueger, women everywhere are desperately dashing to prepare their slutty costumes for the big night. Many opt for a classic like “slutty cat,” while others go for creative costumes like “slutty Charlie Brown.” (To make a slutty Charlie Brown costume, cut holes all over a non-fitted white bed sheet, but larger holes in especially appealing places). However, college sophomore Marie Jones is eschewing the traditional route for a costume better primed to dismantle the patriarchy.
“My friends wanted to do a group costume where we would dress up as slutty frozen yogurt, but I refused,” said Jones.
She admitted that it has been difficult to find a costume.
“I thought maybe I would go as a ninja or pirate, something guys dress as. But I still wanted to show off my femininity, you know, while being empowered,” the 19 year old mused.
Her friends were shocked by the decision. Best friend Jane Gold said, “We’ve been planning this costume for almost three weeks; I couldn’t believe she would just bail. Now Lily has to replace her, and that will majorly bring down our group hotness.”
Even Jones’ mother was surprised. “Marie started begging for slutty Halloween costumes when she was 13. Now she’s at college, how else is she supposed to snag a banker-to-be?”
Jones settled on dressing as a slutty feminist. Her costume will consist of a Bikini Kill t-shirt that is a bit too tight, jean cut-offs with fishnets, and a hat that says “I ❤ Pro-Choice Boys.”
“Yeah, this is not what I had in mind when I suggested we make less slutty costumes,” said Jones’ roommate, who is taking her first Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies class.
“Hey,” Jones said, “feminists can be sluts too!”