What You Can Do When You’re Eighteen

Punch Bowl freshman and resident young’n, Sheida Takmil recently turned 18. Here is her story.

Eighteen: a number, a milestone, a lifestyle. The feeling of the 18th birthday is unlike any other: you are no longer a child. You are now a warrior. For any 1995 babies milking out every golden moment left of the legal age, there are some very important freedoms you earned on your 18th birthday you probably didn’t know you had. So what can you do once you turn 18?

  1. Vote
  2. Apply for a credit card
  3. Buy insurance
  4. Buy a lottery ticket
  5. Win zero dollars
  6. Get a tattoo
  7. Buy a pack of cigarettes
  8. Regret getting a tattoo
  9. Change your name to Ralph
  10. Vote for Chris Christie
  11. Get married without parental consent
  12. Buy Nicorette for your newfound smoking addiction
  13. Order things from infomercials
  14. Become severely disappointed when your ShamWow absorbs only 60% of the spilled liquid
  15. Go on Jerry Springer
  16. Find out that you are, indeed, the father
  17. Change your name to Phyllis
  18. Buy laughing gas
  19. Tweet about how you just bought laughing gas
  20. Place a bet in a casino
  21. Become a disillusioned gambler
  22. Get a Costo Membership
  23. Buy spray paint
  24. Sue the makers of ShamWow, because you’re still pretty traumatized about the whole 60% thing
  25. Get divorced
  26. Rob a bank
  27. Get divorced in a robbed bank
  28. Change your name to Kanye West
  29. Be sued by Kanye West
  30. Hit rock bottom
  31. Rent an apartment
  32. Meet the cute guy down the hall
  33. Have one night stand, made of carefully carved mahogany and cherry wood highlights
  34. Buy a house
  35. Start a 401K plan
  36. Get your life back together
  37. Be convicted as an adult
  38. Go to adult jail
  39. Go to Monopoly jail
  40. Do not pass go
  41. Do not collect $200
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