Student Enters Existential Crisis Upon Finishing “Which ‘Girls’ Character Are You?” Quiz

After completing a Buzzfeed quiz claiming to reveal which character on the television show “Girls” she most closely resembled, College junior Emily Parsons has come to doubt and examine every decision she has made in her life. The result, “Hannah”, was not the character Parsons had in mind as she clicked on her preferred frozen snack and the bedroom that appealed to her most. Susan Das, a friend of Parsons, told us: “Whenever we watched the show, she’d always get really pissed at Hannah. She found her so self-absorbed that she couldn’t even find her funny. Personally, I think Emily thought she was a Marnie, but with like some elements of Shosh, you know?”

We found Parsons in the library poring over her own photo albums, emails, and texts feverishly. After sitting opposite her for a few minutes, she finally looked up and agreed to explain her dilemma. “It just can’t be right. I treat my parents really well. I care about my friends. I mean, obviously Hannah does too in her own weird way, but that’s not the point!” She took a bite out of a liberally frosted cupcake before continuing: “You know I’ve started eating things at untraditional times, just to prove to myself that I wouldn’t like it. But, well, I’m starting to worry I actually enjoy it.”

Multiple requests by Parsons to Buzzfeed for the algorithm behind the quiz have been rejected. Todd Jaffe, a sophomore in Wharton, had a similar experience after finding out he was Ross from Friends: “You know, I’m a funny dude and a ladies’ man, so Chandler or Joey would’ve been fine. But Ross? I mean, shit, I guess I always did kind of like dinosaurs. But what the hell am I doing studying finance then?”

Meanwhile Parsons has not yet emerged from her existential crisis. Many friends have asked her to take the quiz again, but she refuses, as “that would be a Hannah thing to do”.

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