Arch Madness Round 1 (Results and Commentary)

64 arches began. Only half could handle the stress. Here are the editors’ picks to narrow our original 64 arches down to 32 for round 1 voting in the Punch Bowl’s Arch Madness Tournament:

The top-seeded Archbishop of Rome used his pontifical powers to fight off Michael the Archangel’s celestial ones.
Metal band Archgoat barely squeezed out the win at Arches National Park, Utah.
Literary archetypes took out Archie, Louisiana. (We would put commentary here but Archie, LA doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.)
Archie Comics took out Archibald Witwicky. Here is your reminder that the Transformers movies were terrible.
Archery the sport upset Archer the TV show. We are as surprised as you are. Seriously. Who voted for archery?
The Galapagos Archipelago discovered Mega Evolution and took out Arch, New Mexico.
The Arc de Triomphe stood triumphant as ever. (What’s an Archie Bunker?)

Archie Thompson upset everyone with his existence. The Arch of Constantine could only huff in reluctance.
Ted Mosby used his “irony” finishing move to finish off the Marble Arch in London.
Joan of Arc. Just, Joan of Arc. I mean… The Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Arch stood no chance.
Forget it, Chinatown Arch in Philadelphia. It’s Archie Manningtown.
Does Penn even have an archaeology major? It must have, because ti took out the Aleutian Archipelago quite handily.
Archaebacteria infected our hearts and minds. Professional pool player Johnny Archer had no chance.
No spell could stop the Gateway Arch from stomping all over archmages.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand started a war he remembered: Archko Volume out.
The arches of the feet stomped Archer, County Texas. Also, we’re not sure Archer County is even a real place.
The Archibald Prize won — a prize for Australian portraiture is far less obscure than Archie, Missouri.
The Arch of Titus beat out Archbald, PA by virtue of it being an actual Roman arch.
Archie Miller took out Archway, North London. We are sure current events had something to do with it.
Student favorite the ARCH Building took out arch bridges. Arch bridges could not compete against free food, social justice, free advertising for Penn events, and free food.
The Bismarck Archipelago did something to Archuleta County, CO. We don’t know exactly what, but they won. There’s no way that these decisions are somehow arbitrary…
Your own personal archnemesis beat the Archbishop of Canterbury. Literally beat the poor holy man. And you’re next.
Finally, the archaeopteryx’s screech was far louder than any sound the Archies could produce. (Seriously, we looked it up. The archaeopteryx is awesome.)

Stay tuned and make sure to vote for your favorite arches on our Facebook page!

 

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