The SWUG, or Senior Washed Up Girl, is an oft-discussed, seldom-spotted creature, native to her bedroom and Starbucks. She prefers wearing a robe, or no pants at all, to jeans, and can frequently be heard saying, “I just want to drink wine at home tonight.” This is a sociological study of a SWUG at the University of Pennsylvania.
Day One (Monday): Subject set iPhone alarm for 8am, but pressed snooze three times. The fourth time, the subject turned the alarm off completely, sleeping until 9:30am. After she woke up, she went to Starbucks for her Pumpkin Spice Latte, which, yes, they have started selling already. The subject studied intensely for her upcoming standardized graduate school exam for about 30 minutes before getting distracted on Pinterest.
Day Four (Thursday): The subject woke up at 7am to attend a yoga class, but then proceeded to shower and return to bed, sleeping through her 10am class. After heating up leftovers for lunch, the subject researched her thesis topic, but went back to her house at 5pm to drink a few glasses of wine with her housemate. By 10pm, she was too tired to do anything and fell asleep.
Day Six (Saturday): This morning, the subject let herself sleep in, and attended boozy brunch at the Copabanana restaurant at approximately 12:00 hours ($3 Bloody Marys do seem like a good deal). In the afternoon, the subject took a nap and attempted to study, but resigned herself to watching Netflix. Around 10:30pm, the subject met up with a friend, who will be referred to as “SWUG #2;” they drank raspberry beer and ate pizza while watching groups of freshman walk past. “Ugh, aren’t you so glad we’re not freshmen anymore?” said SWUG #1. “I just can’t even believe we were like that once,” said SWUG #2.
Analysis: While freshmen might stare in fright, the SWUG is nothing to be afraid of if maintained with daily doses of coffee and a few bottles of wine each week. However, if a SWUG goes without either libation for a prolonged period of time, she will be as irritable as a bear woken from hibernation. Fortunately, she is easily subdued with Girls re-runs and soft blankets.