BREAKING: “Frackit” Revealed To Be A Specifically Marketed Article Of Clothing

In a series of stunning revelations, “Frackit” — the frat-oriented, $45 jacket designed by Penn students — has been found to be just another piece of clothing that someone can choose to buy or not buy given their disposable income and desire for social advantages. The disclosures have opened many people’s eyes to the fact that there are many people who buy clothes for reasons other than merely not being naked.

College junior Hallie Cooperman voiced her concerns as she ordered a coffee at Starbucks for $4, “I mean, you can get a similar coat for so much cheaper if you just look in the right places. And all that stuff about it being ‘made differently’ is such bullshit. It’s just people with too much money to spend following the crowd as usual.”

Ethan Plant, a College senior and fraternity brother, is thrilled at the prospect of donning his brand new Frackit. “I was just starting to get worried that there weren’t enough things that distinguished me as fratty, you know?” Ethan said among a throng of his tank-clad brothers. “Sometimes the letters, the tanks, the country music, the cornhole, the hand signals, the EDM, the volleyball, the outdoor furniture, the pastel clothing, the parties, the Ray Bans, all of that . . . sometimes it just doesn’t feel like enough. I think the Frackit could save my identity!”

Nobody, however, has been more surprised by the revelations than Engineering sophomore, Hal Grier. Grier prides himself on having never bought clothes from a store, clothing himself exclusively with debris he finds on the streets. “I just don’t get it!” Grier shrieked through a shirt that clearly used to be a novelty carpet. “The idea that people actually go to places and buy things they don’t necessarily need under the guise of personal taste, when it’s really the product of their social and financial circumstances? What the hell is that? If you give me a few dead birds and a sewing machine, I’ll make you a jacket 40 times as warm as that damn Frackit!”

We tried to ask the marketing department at Wharton for their opinion, but they failed to understand what all the fuss was about.

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