BREAKING NEWS: ENGLISH DEPT CUTS COURSE ON INTERNET PROCRASTINATION

Punch Bowl‘s investigative journalism expert, Tiffany Pham, was able to get an exclusive on this controversial English course being offered next semester:

The University of Pennsylvania’s English Department has just released a statement announcing that it will pull the 15-person experimental writing seminar, Wasting Time On the Internet, from the course registrar.

After TIME, New York MagazineYahoo! News and other outlets posted articles about the course, Penn students noted the crash of course selection website PennInTouch on Facebook and Twitter, accidentally rendering the course useless as they proved they already know how to waste time on the Internet.

The attention gained by the course has caused some prominent members of the English Department to shake their heads disapprovingly under their beanies. Curious, we sat down and briefly interviewed an anonymous source in the department as to why the course had to be pulled:

PB: What made you decide to drop this course so suddenly?

ENGL: We ultimately…(source paused to wipe horn-rimmed classes on shirt)…decided that the increased social media attention the course experienced was too detrimental to the values of this department.

PB: What do you mean by that?

ENGL: As expected for a small seminar of only fifteen students on a topic that seems to appeal to today’s young adults, the demand for the class is now much, much larger than can be accommodated. One who actually gets into the class must have been cognizant of its value before others would have.

PB: Are you trying to say that they would’ve had to register before it was cool?

ENGL: As it is an experimental class, yes. The interest in the course, much like that of today’s obsession with the “vintage,” has skyrocketed to unseemly levels. Obviously, this forced our hand and we had to cancel the course.

PB: So is the only issue accommodation?

ENGL: This issue transcends something as menial as accommodation and seating space. It describes and highlights the very plight of one who appreciates the underappreciated aspects of life as we know it.

PB: Wait, so what are you trying to say?

ENGL: IT’S TOO FUCKING MAINSTREAM NOW, LEAVE US ALONE.

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