Citing a tendency for high public approval towards presidential candidates who were terrible in the entertainment industry (see also: Reagan), Vulture magazine has predicted that rapper and former star of Kim Possible Pitbull will someday be elected to the Oval Office.
The reactions to this article are overwhelmingly negative. One commenter observed, “I haven’t heard Pitbull say more than 10 words in a given song”. Another commenter was a bit more bleak, claiming, “I’m moving if we elect Voldemort to office [editors note: ¡Dalé!]”. But we here at Punchbowl think that Pitbull would make the best president ever. Here are some reasons why:
- While most presidents tend to promote their own agenda instead of working for the public, Pitbull will listen to the citizen’s voice. He already asks the listener “How are you doing tonight?” at least 5 times in every song, he clearly cares about what his followers think of him to the point of insecurity.
- Given the raging success of their smash single “Timber”, I expect Ke$ha to take the responsibilities of vice president if elected. This will still be better than having Palin as vice president.
- He would be the first president to turn the inaugural address into an “inaugural fiesta”.
- Remember Obama’s tan suit fiasco? Yeah, that shit’s not going to happen with Pitbull. He’s been in a crisp, clean, and ironed all-white tuxedo since he exited the womb. And has looked fresh and fuck every time.
- He took this picture (see second picture) in a Walmart posed next to a bear model with his arms raised like “let’s turn up fam!” So he’s already got this presidential mixtape thing down (see my article on political mixtapes here! Shameless self promotion!).
- The fact that his 2012 seventh studio album is called Global Warming clearly means that he is a very environmentally minded politician, which should be popular in upcoming elections. Be warned though, this might be the other way around though, as I’m pretty sure “¡Dalé!” means “let’s go” or “come on” so he might be cheering on the greenhouse effect.
So if you are reading this Pitbull, I say go for it. Be the President of the United States. The future of the United States is in your hands. ¡Dalé! (Also consider me if you don’t already have a Secretary of State in mind)