PHILADELPHIA, PA – On Wednesday, March 25th,  2015, an unnamed publication (Hint: It rhymes with “Shmaley Shmencil Shmanian”) of the University of Pennsylvania released a satirical issue. The underlying joke beneath it all seemed to be that this issue was markedly less funny than the day-to-day publications. Titles in the joke issue include “AirPennNet to Ban Netflix,” “Penn Bans Hard Alcohol Following New Policies at Dartmouth, Brown,” and “Commons Closing Due to Health Violations.”  Really? A Commons joke? I mean, come on man. Talk about low-hanging fruit. And then the whole hard alcohol thing? We all know that a move like that would decrease the amount of Penn applicants, and King Furda just can’t let that happen.  However, we, The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl, do congratulate you on trolling Vanity Fair. That was actually kinda cool.  Now let’s look to the real humor that the unnamed publication puts forth each and every day (Note: publishing Monday-Thursday is now considered Daily). 

• “Students Find Housing” – 3/17/15
• “This Week in Ugly Penn Basketball Statistics” – 2/21/15
• “Students look to consulting for diverse learning opportunities”- 3/23/14
• “Fraternity recruitment continues but some Phi Delt rushers held at Bey” – 1/20/15
• “It’s who you know: Connections may play a role in Penn admissions” – 3/23/15

You might think that the joke’s on you guys this time, but we both know it’s always on us… Maybe we just have hard feelings about losing in the first round of your superfluous bracket.