Area Man Can Find the Size of Any Two-Dimensional Shape

Freshman reporter Jonah Arnheim with the latest in mathematical news.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Area man Eric Warren reveals his unique ability to find the size of any two dimensional shape, no matter the length or height.

“Circles, rectangles, triangles, parallelograms, trapezoids, ellipses, pentagons, hexagons, heptagons, octagons, nonagons, decagons (regular and irregular), hendecagons, dodecagons, triskaidecagons, tetrakaidecagons, pendedecagons, hexdecagons, heptdecagons, octdecagons, enneadecagons, icosagons, and squares – I can find the area of any of them.”

Warren was discovered after solving a complex geometry question on a blackboard outside a lecture hall while working as a local janitor.

“Some say I peaked in eighth grade geometry. But I say that like an exponential function, I’m on the rise.”

As with any math-based superhero, Warren has his kryptonite.

“Proofs. I can’t do proofs.”

Look out for Warren as he calculates the area of Franklin Field or measures the radius of the Button.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” says Warren. “I think I heard that in a movie one time.”


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