Republican Optimism: If Clinton Wins At Least We’ll See Budget Cuts in President Salary

As Hillary Clinton’s campaign continues to surge, members of the muddled Republican party have been trying to imagine life with another Clinton as president.

“What are we gonna do? Let another Clinton turn the Oval Office into a sex lounge… except this time like Magic Mike. Not in my White House!” said a Ben Carson supporter who asked to remain unnamed.

“If she wins, I’m moving to Canada!” one passionate Trump supporter shouted, completely unaware of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s intentions to legalize marijuana, enforce a strictly pro-choice abortion policy, and limit religion’s role in politics.

Recently, Fox News host Sean Hannity dedicated a segment of his radio show The Sean Hannity Show to discuss the looming possibility of a Clinton presidency. “We’ve got the majority in Congress – how much damage can she really do?” the host asked his guests, Representative Glenn Grothman and Senator Joni Ernst.  Calmly, Grothman responded, “Mr. Hannity, I can assure you the answer to that question is nothin’ except sit on her tight little ass and listen to my buddy Rand filibuster for 4 years.”

Hannity then opened the show up to his dedicated listeners, giving them the opporunity to contribute to the discussion. Montana gun enthusiast Richard McDavidson called in to offer his dose of optimism. “If she’s elected president, you know what that means? More money gon’ straight to defense. The wage gap is what, 78-percent? Obama walks away with 400 grand a year, so what, we get an extra 100 grand a year? Hell, that’s an extra 400 AR-15’s for the World’s most powerful Navy!”

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