PHILADELPHIA, PA – College junior Marianne Summers thought that she was real slick coming into her 9 AM lecture 10 minutes late this past Monday. Maybe she wanted to grab a quick breakfast at her dedicated professor’s expense. Well the universe got its just desserts when she slipped into that lecture hall.
The moment she pulled out her notebook, a hundred notification tones went off at the same time in the classroom. Everyone’s news alerts blew up in the matter of seconds. “What’s the news?!” one phoneless individual cried in anticipation.
The news was that Tupac and Biggie were back from the dead and they just released a joint album. The album’s hit single “Let’s Not Kill Each Other” was played at the DMZ and single handedly ended the Korean War. It’s rumored that if you play the outro of the album backwards it contains the recipe to the cure for lupus. Pitchfork gave it a 5.4, the highest rating in the magazine’s history.
Both Mr. Wallace and Mr. Shakur were honored with the Medal of Honor, 12 Grammys, 4 Emmys, and a Peabody and now dedicate their lives to teaching refugees in warzones how to read.
And this all happened the minute Marianne Summers walked into class late! Her professor later made a snide comment about tardiness as the class lecture that many believe to be directed at Summers.
“Yeah it was pretty rude of her to come in so late” said classmate Brendan Marshalls (SAS ’17) about Marianne’s arrival, “but did you hear about that Tupac and Biggie album? Crazy! And their outstanding contribution to the global community as humanitarians? I definitely wouldn’t believe it if I read it in a news article, but as a witness of all these events I can now certainly believe this occurred”.