Notes on a Punch Bowl

If you’ve ever wondered what kind of sick nonsense runs through the minds of your friendly neighborhood Punch Bowl-ers on a daily basis, consider this your opportunity to experience the human condition through the eyes of college students with waaaaay too much free time comedy visionaries. Read on for the, sometimes highly questionable, things we found when searching through the notes on our phones and what you should take from them.

“Salmon Recipes”

Punch Bowl is actually really domestic, we enjoy a lovely piece of wild-caught salmon every once in a while and sometimes we just want to spice it up a little bit with a new take on a staple protein. (Pro Tip: You’ve got to look for the fat on the salmon as well as the coloration to make sure it’s a good piece. Thanks Ina!)

 

“Flow so wild you can call it loko, spinning out tracks like dorothy and toto/Catch me sippin Fiji water, man your bitch is Waluigi’s daughter”

Punch Bowl spits hot fire. ‘Nuff said.

 

“Librarians and Barbarians”

So, we don’t have mixers…but hypothetically we’d organize bomb mixers.

 

“Destroy the Bourgeoisie”

Despite our ringing endorsement of Martin O’Malley – we don’t care that he suspended his campaign, even if he’s suspended our hearts along with it – a lot of us are actually really down with Bernie.

 

“Startup idea: qr codes for cars

…and then some of us are just greedy capitalists. Contrary to what you might think we’re actually pretty damn entrepreneurial, NOW DON’T TAKE OUR IDEA.

 

“Blood is better than marshmallow”

Obviously. Like, Coke > Pepsi, Blood > Marshmallows. Unclear if that really tells you a lot about us, I mean, yeah, we just wanted to throw this in here to let you know that we’re all on the same page with that one.

 

“Girl, you ain’t that pretty”

Punch Bowl is, indeed, very petty, collectively speaking. We will cut down you and your self-esteem if it’s bothering us…or if we feel that it’s threatening our own sense of security because we’re fragile and insecure. Humor is merely a shield that we use to mask the tears that stream down our face, writhing in twin XL beds, trying to break free from the shackles of unfeeling anxiety.

 

“If Exxon is king of the economy, is it a noble gas?”

Actually though, does anyone have a thought on this? Let us know…

 

“Toddler-esque”

Some of our writers occasionally make forays into writing political think pieces about Ben Carson.

 

“Black swan? Yes”

Ah, yes, film. We’re not only purveyors of the written word…LOL we had you there for a second didn’t we? We just have a weird thing for Natalie Portman; though, doesn’t everyone? Be real, you liked it because she was in it, you had no idea what was going on in that movie.

 

“Trump makes me ashamed to be a ginger chaser

This is less about Punch Bowl as a whole; we just wanted to tell the writer that submitted this that it’s okay. We support you and whatever you want to do. Don’t let a mostly bald millionaire egomaniac control you and limit you sexually…unless that is exactly what you’re looking for, in which case return to the second sentence of this paragraph, we’re still cool with that!

 

“West Philly Swingers voted most misleading club name 2015

We caucus about important issues like this at every GBM (Tuesdays at 8, get at us). We think we do anyway…like, a caucus is just a Thunderdome style cage-match in a Huntsman classroom right?

 

“Georgetown law, quit

Finally, here’s the basic outline for many of our five year plans.

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