The Internal Monologue of Ivanka Trump

Ever see pictures like the below and wonder what the eldest Trump daughter and probable centrist liberal has really been thinking behind that frosty smile for, like, at least a year-and-a-half?  Punch Bowl has some guesses for you.  Oh Ivanka, we see right through you.

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Source: Wikimedia Commons

  • I just wanted to be a Grace Kelly/Sheryl Sandberg mashup and now I have to deal with this shit on the daily?
  • I can never hang out with Chelsea ever again.
  • I will fight whoever tries to drag me into this mess.
  • How does my dad not get that the gays are the only minority group that has that many white people that are that active on twitter? That’s a key demo you fool.
  • He’s literally ruined Manhattan for me at this point.
  • Dear god, now Conway is endorsing my line; depleted life-force isn’t really on message.
  • Why can’t you just be cool like Chelsea’s dad?
  • Sasha and Malia’s dad never embarrassed them like this.
  • I have to hang out with Eric so much now, this is the worst. Have you seen his face? It looks like he’s going to drug you and hunt you on a human safari.
  • Tiffany keeps making me listen to Like a Bird, this is all your fault, Dad.
  • I thought I’d just get to be Crown Princess of America, but everyone keeps demonstrating.
  • I really thought this would be over by now; I’ve been leaking impeachable offenses for months now.  I’m legitimately every unnamed White House source.
  • Yes, my father really did name his son Baron, subtle, dad.
  • When can I go back to selling flammable scarves to moderate women who aspire to my taste level?
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