Penn to Cut Penn Police Budget By Installing Pegs on all Security Bikes

Vice President of Public Safety Maureen Rush announced that the University would cut the Penn Police budget by installing pegs on all security bikes. “We project that the university will save many hundreds of dollars on bike maintenance by cutting our fleet in half,” she said. It has been confirmed that the pegs will be Mongoose brand, and are BMX certified. Allied Barton guards were quick to voice their excitement for the change: “I only have to pedal half the time now,” one anonymous guard said. “I just hope that I get paired up with Troy. That guy’s a great at pedaling. Pretty light too.” Sources have confirmed University plans to install a half-pipe in Perelman Quadrangle.

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