DAVID RITTENHOUSE LABS — A MATH 114 student reportedly left his recitation for seven minutes to take a “phone call” last week. Although no witness heard his phone vibrating or ringing in any fashion, when he returned to his seat, student Darrell Rhea insisted to his nearby acquaintances that he was just “taking a phone call.”
Witnesses at the scene alleged that Darrell had just finished his Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato before abruptly leaving recitation. When he returned, one witness observed that Darrell’s fly was undone, a sign of a truly vigorous “phone call.”
Those who know Darrell well speculate that the engineering freshman might have used the “phone call” to “take care of business,” but an extensive review of Darrell’s finances and holdings shows no sign of any business dealings.
Authorities are unsure why Darrell was so defensive about the fact that he was simply taking a “phone call.”
“We all know what Darrell was doing when he left that recitation last week,” said Philadelphia Police Chief Lou Butts, “and if he had to take a really long piss, he should have just said so at the beginning.”