The Official Unofficial Punch Bowl Application

Dear Readers and Punch Bowl wannabes,

Below is the official first round application for the Punch Bowl. This application is due the night before your first big midterm of the semester. We will be holding coffee chats and a presentation in Huntsman the week before this application is due so you can make sure your application is top-notch and well informed. The application for the list to get a preview coffee chat will be posted and due the week of your first big essay. This application ensures someone will know you want to be in the Punch Bowl. After the first round, we will have in-person casual interviews followed by a week of you not knowing if you were cut, then a 3rd round black-tie mandatory-dress-code interview about your statistical probability skills. This will be followed by an excessively long wait of an undisclosed number of days until we invite you to our covert acceptance rendezvous. If you were not accepted, you will not be notified. Good luck to all applicants. And remember, this is not an objective or merit-based or even “holistic” screening process.

Love,

The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

 

APPLICATION

First Name______________           Family Name____________          Nickname_________

Last Name______________           Zip Code of Hometown___________

Estimated Family Income   _____00,000 (if less than this, don’t apply)

Estimated Family Donation _____,000 (if even near this, apply)

Would you consider yourself funny?   __Yes   __No

Would your mom?   ___Yes ___No

Are you legally authorized to work in the US? ­­__Yes __No

Do you want to join the Punch Bowl? __Yes __No  (the most important question on this application)

 

Strongly Disagree              1               2              3              4              5              Strongly Agree

I like the Punch Bowl              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

I like humor              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

I like punch              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

I like bowls              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

I wish for world peace              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

LETSS GOOOO              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

SABS amirite?              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

I know this application is a joke              (1)              (2)              (3)              (4)              (5)

 

What is the best form of satire?

__ Long Form     __ Short Form    __ Horatian    __ Juvenalian    __ Menippean     __ Sitting on Tires

What drink do you fill a punch bowl with?

__________________

How many chucks and a wood chuck would wood chuckle?

____________________

Write your best knock-knock joke below:

_____________ (knock knock)

______________(who’s there)

______________________

__________________(who?)

______________________

Good one.

 

Why do you want to join the Punch Bowl?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why does the Punch Bowl want to join you? Are you inviting us to dinner? We are free on weekends and weekdays for dinner but also for lunch and brunch.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Draw a meme.

 

 

 

 

Attach a 5 page single-space Chicago-style annotated recommendation of you written from the perspective of your least favorite high school teacher.

 

********If you are actually interested in joining the Punch Bowl send an email to thepunchbowl@gmail.com and come to one of our meetings: Monday nights at 8PM in Huntsman F65!********

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