Dear Readers and Punch Bowl wannabes,
Below is the official first round application for the Punch Bowl. This application is due the night before your first big midterm of the semester. We will be holding coffee chats and a presentation in Huntsman the week before this application is due so you can make sure your application is top-notch and well informed. The application for the list to get a preview coffee chat will be posted and due the week of your first big essay. This application ensures someone will know you want to be in the Punch Bowl. After the first round, we will have in-person casual interviews followed by a week of you not knowing if you were cut, then a 3rd round black-tie mandatory-dress-code interview about your statistical probability skills. This will be followed by an excessively long wait of an undisclosed number of days until we invite you to our covert acceptance rendezvous. If you were not accepted, you will not be notified. Good luck to all applicants. And remember, this is not an objective or merit-based or even “holistic” screening process.
The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl
First Name______________ Family Name____________ Nickname_________
Last Name______________ Zip Code of Hometown___________
Estimated Family Income _____00,000 (if less than this, don’t apply)
Estimated Family Donation _____,000 (if even near this, apply)
Would you consider yourself funny? __Yes __No
Would your mom? ___Yes ___No
Are you legally authorized to work in the US? __Yes __No
Do you want to join the Punch Bowl? __Yes __No (the most important question on this application)
Strongly Disagree 1 2 3 4 5 Strongly Agree
I like the Punch Bowl (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
I like humor (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
I like punch (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
I like bowls (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
I wish for world peace (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
LETSS GOOOO (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
SABS amirite? (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
I know this application is a joke (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
What is the best form of satire?
__ Long Form __ Short Form __ Horatian __ Juvenalian __ Menippean __ Sitting on Tires
What drink do you fill a punch bowl with?
How many chucks and a wood chuck would wood chuckle?
Write your best knock-knock joke below:
_____________ (knock knock)
Why do you want to join the Punch Bowl?
Why does the Punch Bowl want to join you? Are you inviting us to dinner? We are free on weekends and weekdays for dinner but also for lunch and brunch.
Draw a meme.
Attach a 5 page single-space Chicago-style annotated recommendation of you written from the perspective of your least favorite high school teacher.
********If you are actually interested in joining the Punch Bowl send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and come to one of our meetings: Monday nights at 8PM in Huntsman F65!********