To conclude the 2017 Halloween season, the Pennsylvania Punch Bowl has checked in with our resident White Girl Correspondents to hear about this year’s offensive Halloween costumes. In recent times, no culture’s iconography — from Asian Geishas to Mexican Día de los Muertos Skeletons — is safe from rampant appropriation perpetrated by sorority girls. While many students are lashing back at this blatant display of racism, others are secretly applauding the ingenuity of these modern-day, politically-incorrect designers.
A recent study asked over 2,000 Penn students if they felt that appropriating costume-wear was: a) Acceptable, b) Unacceptable, or c) Like, pretty bad but I’m low-key impressed by their creativity. The results? 80% of Penn students voted (c). This year, an informal campus leader of this practice, Becky, sat down to talk about this year’s Halloween theme: North Korean Factory Workers.
We asked what most girls on campus had to do to make this racial group’s horrifying daily reality into a sexy, wearable, and machine washable costume for this year’s party scene. The design was apparently a challenge: “yeah so like it’s a little tough because the colors don’t pop as much, ya know? Not like the Mexican ponchos do.”
Unfortunately for these aspiring costume designers, North Korean factory girls must wear dark blue or black canvas bags as a symbol of submission and unity to the higher authority. Understandably, it’s difficult to add the necessary sex-appeal: “It’s just not really a breathable material, like how do these people wear this Wednesday to Saturday nights?”
Given that the dark, lumpy, worker’s uniform might be difficult to distinguish for a drunk, vision-impaired, 19-year-old frat boy, certain sorority girls across campus are thinking ahead about other ways to sell the look. “I think we might push it further with bloodied nails, which kinda makes it like a traditional Halloween costume in a way? LOL TBT! And I was considering doing the 10-hours-without-sunlight makeup look, but that totally conflicts with the bronzer which is a must. Also, the whole short-hair thing is gonna have to be scrapped as well. Like, we haven’t been getting Brazilian keratin treatment the last 10 months to put our hair up, ya know?”
When asked if she had any thoughts about next year’s theme, Becky hesitated to reveal any secrets. But after three shots of Tito’s, Becky leaned in and whispered, “…so like I’m kinda soooorta thinking about Russian Bolshevik peasants? But like they’re kinda white, yeah? I don’t think it’s like…edgy enough. I really want another hit like 2013 Pocahontas. That bitch was like – soooooo hot”.