Heinz Releases New Variety Called “WhiteSauceHotSauce”

Heinz recently released a new variety of sauce in their “Ethnic Sauces: But From Where?” product line.  The new sauce, which combines the sharp kick of hot sauce with the cool relief of a creamy, milk-based sauce is called simply “WhiteSauceHotSauce.”

In a statement, Heinz clarified that the title is not in fact a typographic error:

“Thank you for embracing our exciting new product called WhiteSauceHotSauce.  WhiteSauceHotSauce is a single, 4-syllable word that should – no – MUST be said in one breath.  Additionally, if you are offering someone this sauce, you must not ask them: ‘Would you like some hot sauce and some white sauce?’  Instead, you should very firmly state the word ‘WhiteSauceHotSauce’ in a way that obfuscates the fact that you are even asking a question.  If you are to respond to this statement/query, you must respond ‘WhiteSauceHotSauce’ in the same intonation and cadence as the question was first posed.  If any party fails to speak as such, the transaction will not occur.”

It seems the procedure of the interaction is part of the sauce’s appeal, but the formality of it all restricts any customization.

Heinz continues:

“If you would like just HotSauce, go buy our product called ‘HotSauce.’  If you would like just WhiteSauce, buy WhiteSauceHotSauce and a straw, so you can suck it up you weak, tasteless American.”

The new sauce goes for $6, but comes with a free drink, so you really can’t complain.

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