Support Group for Snake-Fearing Whartonites

Last Monday, University President Amy Gutmann announced the funding approval of a support group for Ophidiophobic Wharton students. Many snake-fearing Whartonites believe this action has been long overdue. With constant memes and videos on the Official Unofficial Penn Squirrel Catching Club, some students have had to face their fears just to keep up with Penn’s inside jokes.

“Fearing snakes is real,” said Wharton junior Kelly Thompson, “and honestly I don’t even get why students would name us after something that’s feared. We’re probably more scared of the College kids than they are of us. I mean, they’ll be the ones asking us for money one day.”

While some Wharton students have been angered over the association, many more are downright confused. Freshman Justin Harrison has been distraught about the snake-joke culture ever since he arrived on campus in the fall. “I don’t even understand why people would joke about Wharton students being snakes. It’s so stupid and gross. Snakes are slithery and creepy and make people agitated… oh wait. Yeah I get it now.”

Gutmann has remarked feeling proud to serve this underserved and underrepresented section of the Penn community. In an official announcement, she stated, “students should feel safe to identify with any spirit animal they want, not just snakes. Our campus of inclusivity recognizes the emotional struggle of meme victims and is finally addressing it.”

When CAPS reached out to the President, asking if this new funding could mean additional resources to offer the rest of the student body comprehensive mental health care, they received the response “new phone who dis?”

 

The Ophidiophobic Wharton Support Group will meet Tuesdays at 5pm in the Huntsman Lounge.

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