OPINION: Cardi B’s Unborn Fetus Would Make a Better Performance than this Year’s Fling Line-Up

There. I said it. Cardi B’s unborn fetus would make for a better performance than this year’s fling line-up.

Rumor has it that if the University of Pennsylvania racks up the highest number of right swipes during the Tinder “Swipe Off” competition, music icon Cardi B will come to the school and perform a free concert. But I don’t care about that. Because Cardi B could stand there – silent, stoic, pregnant, and radiant – and that would make for a better performance than this year’s fling line-up.

The All-American Rejects have released 4 studio albums and gleaned several MTV music awards, while Cupcakke has received critical acclaim for tackling topics such as homelessness, poverty, sexuality, and abuse. But I would literally not listen to music ever again if I could hear Cardi B’s unborn fetus kick just one single time.

Sage the Gemini might have written “Gas Pedal” and is a full-sized adult, but Cardi B’s olive-sized unborn fetus would make me spend 42 hours developing an algorithm which generates Tinder accounts tied to dummy email addresses and automatically right-swipes on Tinder with the widest age and location range possible.

Jojo is – screw it, you get the point. I WANT TO SEE THAT BABY BUMP.

RIGHT SWIPE FOR YOUR LIVES.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s