ALERT: NEWS IS HAPPENING

There was a Tsunami in Southeast Asia yesterday. Hundreds are dead. Here’s the story:

 

(Just kidding you don’t care about that.)

 

The New York Times has dropped a bombshell story detailing hundreds of millions of dollars of tax evasion and shoddy business schemes from the Trump family. These are the details:

 

(Just kidding you don’t have the attention span.)

 

Brazilians appear to be about to elect a far right Presidential candidate who openly glorifies the times of military dictatorship. This is his plan to sacrifice liberty for stability:

 

(HAHAHAHA this would be current events information about the 4th largest Democracy in the world turning back into an autocracy. But why bother.)

 

People Can Now Choose Male, Female or X on NYC Birth Certificates:

 

(You might actually click on this lol.)

_________________________________________________________________

Stop reading this stupid article and go read the Times or the Journal or the Washington Post.

And, NO, seeing those little headings in this article or on Facebook or through your phone’s alerts do NOT count as having read the news.

Stuff is happening in the world. If you don’t know about it, then you’re stupid.

Note: This article is obviously not fact checked or copy edited, and I did not bother to try and remember specific details.

One Bowl, Spicy Bowl, Mixed Bowl – PUNCH BOWL.

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