BREAKING: New College House Dedicated to Kanye, Now Called “College House West”

University officials announced earlier today that the student dormitory formerly known as “New College House” will be dedicated to cultural icon Kanye West.

The move was accompanied by a statement that declared the recently-announced New College House West to be renamed “New College House,” prompting widespread confusion among members of the student body.

“I’m glad we’re naming the old New College House after a man like Kanye — that guy really thinks for himself, you know?” commented sophomore Robbie Verlander. “The name is kinda weird, though. Are we going to call all of the future houses ‘New College House’ now? I guess it makes sense that NCH West, um, I mean, new New College House, has the ‘new’ label since it’s the newest, I mean it’s newer than old New College House… man, this is confusing.”

At press time, legendary Penn alum Alfred E. New (C ’83) completed a deal with the university to rename College Hall to “New Hall.”

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