*Punch Bowl new member Grant Pavol reports the inside scoop on Break Amnesia*
Doctors at the psychiatric division of Pennsylvania Hospital have released a press statement detailing news of a rare mental condition recently treated at the institution. A student from the University of Pennsylvania checked into the hospital early Sunday morning with extreme and distressing symptoms; they could not recall any elements of their identity or life from before 3pm on Wednesday, November 21st.
Upon inquiry, doctors discovered that this was the time at which their last class before Thanksgiving break was let out. Medically termed Lackofstudyitus, after Dr. Lackofstud, this unprecedented condition has already acquired a colloquial name: Break Amnesia.
“Of course we see cases of memory loss on a regular basis, but this is a first,” said Dr. Sandra Guten, head of the team treating the case. “Despite the lack of any observable physical or emotional trauma, our patient remembers nothing from before their mid fall break; all memories of their upbringing, family, friends, STEM midterms, they’re all gone!”
Doctors intend to hold the patient for several more days, but say that they will soon release them, stating that their condition is not contagious. However, Dr. Guten warned that cases of the condition may proliferate and become more common in the future: “We will certainly be on high alert later this winter, and again at the end of the summer. We expect to see more and more cases emerge as the time gap between classes increases.”
When reached for comment, the student stated that they plan to take and do poorly on finals in the coming weeks akin to their colleagues.