Jobs for Jobless Seniors

Hey failures! umm.. I mean “seniors without jobs”! We’ve got some ideas for you:

-Work at Van Pelt

-Work at Mark’s Cafe

-Work for Allied Barton

-Run OCR (rather than go to one)

-Live in the VP stacks, squatter’s rights

-Semi-professional protester

-Become a house dean

-WWE amateur circuit

-Sub-matriculate into a master’s program

-Visit an advisor at career services (lol as if they could help)

-Volunteer abroad

-halal truck

-Penn information and directions

-Pottruck workout guru

-Get really good at yoga (unclear how to monetize)

-Writer who drives Uber

-Uber driver who writes

-Work at stommons

-Buy a NYC taxi medallion

-Deal drugs

-Buy beer for minors

-Yelp reviewer

-Start a pyramid scheme (some sort of health/nutrition bar/drink)

-Become an insta/youtube influencer

-Brand manager on campus

-President of the Penn club in your area

-Become a photographer (it looks really easy)

-Give up and go to grad school at Drexel

-Re-enroll at Penn

-SAT tutor/College consultant (“I got into Penn didn’t I”)

-Take over Frontera

-Go into the woods to live deliberately à la Walden/Ted Kaczynski

-Go find yourself

-Soul cycle (maybe like a class-leader or something)

-Backpack through Europe

-Uber eats

-Be a mascot for a minor league sports team


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