Breaking: Students too Busy to Notice Giant, Disembodied Head in Van Pelt Basement

Evidence supporting that the basement of the Van Pelt Library is a portal to another dimension continues to pile up, as just days ago, a report of a Giant Disembodied Head (henceforth referred to as GDH) appearing from thin air directly in the middle of the room has surfaced. When we, the intrepid and unwaveringly curious journalists of the Punch Bowl attempted to find students to corroborate this story, we were met with bemusement. It turns out that the event was made known to the authorities solely because a custodian who happened to be cleaning a urine stain from one of the couches at the time, witnessed the apparition. Literally every single other person in the room had not noticed the incident.

According to the custodian and the security footage, the head appeared with a loud BOOM, and hovered, unmoving, about a yard above the floor. It wore an expression that could best be described as self-importance, which I guess is fitting if you’re a GDH. It had large, bulbous brown eyes, and a nose fit for a being of near-infinite arrogance. This sentiment only lasted for a short time. The head began to look around, confused at the lack of fanfare his appearance had caused with the students, who were still staring dutifully at their laptops. The head’s brow furrowed, first in confusion, then in frustration.

The custodian in question was just attempting to quietly inch around back of the head, probably to see what the situation was with this thing’s neck area. Before he could ascertain if the head had any vertebrae, or if it had an Adam’s Apple, the head gave a sigh of immense consternation and, as quickly as it had arrived, disappeared.

As usual, the University has declined to comment. The custodian has been placed on medical leave, as appears that the urine he had the unfortunate task of removing was contaminated with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. 

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